Better not Bitter

It’s funny how men have contributed heartbreaks in my existence. They have unconsciously and consciously intended breaking my innermost being pieces by pieces. However, what is more funnier is that, all of them, whether my brother, friends, former lovers, have already been forgotten and forgiven from what they did. It was a process! Of course! It has never been easy. To get heart broken by “men” is hilariously shame excuse but we all have reasons.

I’m sharing my recent relationship with a man whom I interacted with for over 3 months and left without any explanation. Note that I cannot share the name of the person for a reason of protection. 

Whenever I try to look at our conversation, I can’t help but think how it ended mysteriously, brings me to the point of sadness. Anyway, we meet people every chapter of our lives either they stay or just be “part” of it. Nonetheless, whoever comes to our lives have imprinted in our hearts.

I do not know why he chose to disappear but it brought me to lowest point of my life and asked how was I doing? looked at myself in any angle, made mistake and somehow it was my fault. I cannot blame him for leaving me hanging since I do not have the right or wala akong papel sa buhay niya. It somehow made me feel unworthy and lonely. I had my self pity days the moment it happened. I blame myself everyday. I even looked at myself undeserving of the “best” of what they were trying to tell me. Then this hit me. 

Maybe, I was too lonely, hurting, what I thought is mine, is not yet the best from God. Maybe, since I was emotionally incapable, I grab what’s in front of me. Scared to lose what’s making me happy -therefore, I settle for less. Then it hit me, like my friend used to say who is now in heaven, 

“DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS because You deserve THE BEST”.

The best. How? When everytime I step out, I fail? How can I deserve the best if all I think what is good will put me at the edge of the cliff? Leaving me hanging? Departing without any explanation? Mysteriously gone? Sad. Reality.  

I move forward with unanswered queries in my heart. Leaving it all just like what he did. (Mukhang forte niya yun 😅) I realized I do not need his explanation since he didn’t even try to reach out. I won’t look after him looking desperate and ask his explanation. Praying God would open the heavens for him and touch his heart and let him act like a “man”. But, just like any other woman, it would be better to hear him out lalo na may pinagsamahan naman kami. But if he is really decided to leave it that way, then let it be. Somehow I look at it for our own good. I think it’s for the best though. Kaya hinayaan ko nalang din. Kasi mukhang masaya naman narin siya. But I can’t help and think that I missed him everyday. ANYWAY!!! Haha. Enough with the drama. 

Going back, I was reminded by my few accountability friends of my “worth”. I stopped thinking on how I could get in touch with him or get an answer of my “why’s” because I remember that my worth does not come from men. And so,tumayo ulit ako, pinilit kong ibangon sarili ko sa miserableng nakaraan at patuloy paalalahanin ng halaga ko hindi sa mata ng mga tao kundi sa mata ng Maykapal.

I’m not walking this life with all the hatred in my heart just because some men chose to break it. I choose to forgive. And when I say, F O R G I V E, meaning, freedom from past, bitterness, hatred and anger towards the person including the things they did. WHOLEHEARTED. Yes, it’ll cringe a little when we see  the people who have hurt us but peace transcends. Through that it makes you a better person. Relearning isn’t bad, it will make you ask some unwanted questions but life is a battle and learning is part of it. Choose not to give up! Choose to forgive! Choose to be a better version of yourself! 

So whenever men would try to disturb or distract you, try to look back, No! Do not look back! Remember that you are now a redeemed person who has learned from the past but NEVER GOING BACK. 

You are the daughter of the Most High and your value does not come on earth. Remember that no matter how messy and ugly your past can be He binds with us. He accepts us for who we are. How about you? Have you accepted yourself and free yourself from hatred in the past? Freedom comes from forgiving ourselves. 

Feel free to share. 

Prayer Mountain 2018

Interestingly, few people have been asking me about the captured photos I posted in Instagram and Facebook during my overnight stay in Touch Of Glory Prayer Mountain, Antipolo. You have to read the whole blog, so I could give you the right track. 😅

Warning: some of the lines are “hugot” just for the sake of entertainment. 😅 It has nothing to do with my personal situation. Well, Sort of. Pero parang ganon narin. HAHA

So let’s start this by saying, it was a surreal experience! Hindi nagpahuli si Lord. This was my second time around going there by commute lang- alone. So, kung nag momove on ka or you want a quiet place, this is one of the many places you can consider to go to, kahit magisa ka lang. 

Baka maisip mo lang tanungin, how on earth did I capture that? Besh, T-I-M-E-R.

First, you have to check your heart. What is the purpose? So before you jump to any conclusions. Let me share some of my reasons.

1. Yes, I’m trying to clear my mind from stuff that I CANNOT BEAR WITH ANYMORE.

2. Yes, I’m trying to move on kahit walang dapat ika-move on. I mean, I need to move forward, para hindi ako mag stuck (SAKLAP, dba?)

3. I wanted to go there kasi accessible and convenient for me. I thought it won’t be difficult

4. I wanted to go back on track. To go back to the HEART OF WORSHIP. Soak in His presence. 

5. I have time to think. Re-think. Consider some things. Reasses my heart. 

Those are “some” personal reasons. Malalim yung hugot ko. I still have questions in my mind but I’d rather not dwell on them. Month of April has been heavy for me. I still wish it’s April Fools. Sa dami ng nangyari, I can attest that God is good. I didn’t end my stay there without hearing from the Lord. He boldly impressed to me that no matter how many times we fail, He won’t make you feel that “you are a failure” or “you failed Me again”. When I was about to leave, humabol pa si Lord ng yakap. Because of all the things that I’ve done, I face Him with unworthiness and wrecked heart, yet He would still choose to say “I have loved you with an Everlasting love…” Sarap. 

It was a heart melting experience. You know what? I was and still ready to accept the consequence. Then I was reminded by the prophecy which happened last March 7. As He reminded me of the love and the things He is about to do. I was speechless! And I sobbingly said, “I’m so sorry, Lord.” It took me a while to calm myself because at that moment it was overwhelmingly unbelievable. He assured me that NO MATTER how many times I fall, stumble, break, or even try to return to my past, HE WOULD STILL CHOOSE TO ACCEPT me and will not give up on me. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam di ba? And I prayed that I will be released from these things with the guidance of the Holy Spirit as I set my heart and mind at rest.

So the question remains. Was I able to find satisfaction with my overnight stay?

Of course I have. It’s between me and God. Actually, place has nothing to do because what I did, can do it alone at home naman din talaga. Parang you’ll find yourself wanting to detach from the world’s complexity. Far from your territory. Finally, I found myself wrapped and embraced in God’s arms. To be honest, I still have “what if’s”, I still have fears and hesitations but Deuteronomy 3:22. 

You shall not fear them, for it is the LORD your God who fights for you.’ – Deuteronomy 3:22

Change will always be a process, not instant. I trust God that by His grace, I can overcome these. So, umalis ako with a thankful heart. 

So eto na nga. Going from South, umpisahan natin sa Pacita. Kailangan may umpisa, each story has its beginning, saklap nga lang kung ending agad 😅

Pacita ➡️ Bus Terminal ➡️ ride Cubao, they must drop you off to Farmers Plaza (pero ‘wag ka papayag ng idrop ka ng basta basta. Sabihan mo silang, “sabihin” nila😅) it will cost you 75 php ➡️ malapit sa Gateway/Lrt/Jollibee, may dumadaan na Cogeo jeepneys, let them drop you to Cogeo Market (medyo malayo ‘toh. Pero may mararating ka dito. Sure ako! Sakanya ba? May pinatunguhan ba? 😂) 21 php ata. ➡️ Pagbaba mo, ‘wag ka tatawid sa intersection, BABALA: Nakamamatay so sa tamang tawiran tayo mga Besh. May footbridge, dun ka tumawid. As you step your last step from the bridge, you’ll see men shouting “PAENAAN”, ayan sila kuya pinagsisigawan yung gusto nila, eh si Kuya mo ba? 😂😅 going back. 24 php yung pagpunta dun. Pwesto ka sa magandang pwesto sa jeep,Para makapagmuni muni ka. Pagisipan mo mga ginagawa mo. 😅 ➡️ tell the driver to drop you gently and nicely to Touch Of Glory Prayer Mountain, you don’t need to ride tricycle! Teh, kinaya mo na nga yung masaklap ninyong relasyon ng ilang taon eh. yung less than 5minutes walk pa ba?! 

Note: avoid wearing shorts. Bring pants/leggings. Shorts are prohibited.

P. S. Leaving is easy from TOGM to Cogeo Market. But you have to endure the heat and waiting game for Cubao jeepneys. I’m not sure if dahil weekday ako nagpunta? Kasi anghirap ng sakayan. Sapalaran. Parang pagibi. Haha. But kidding aside, traffic was no joke at all! Yun lang. pero rest assured, makakauwi ka ng maayos. Hehe. 
Here are the updated room rates inclusive the food:

Must try:

Prayer Garden (First time ko dito. And I found my spot)

It looks dry because summer nga naman kasi hehe

You can also trek a little.

Hanapin mo ‘toh. Makikita mo kapag hinanap mo!

And as I end this, I hope it helped you somehow and encouraged you to be involve with God in every area of your life. It is my prayer that whatever you are going through right now, you’ll find security, peace and joy in Christ alone, whereever you are. Don’t give up. Kung kinaya ko at dinideal ko parin, kayang kaya mo din yan! Cheer up! ❤

In all the noise in the world, wherever you may be, in God’s loving arms, we’ll find rest. 

Sa pagantay, tayong dalawa

Sabi nila “kapag may tyaga may nilaga”, sabi nila, iba iba ang oras ng isa’t isa, ngunit tila, paputi na ang uwak, palubog na ang buwan,
Naririto, nalilito, pilit na puso, tila naiinip, Natagpuan ang sarili, bahagyang ngumiti,
sa aking sagot na tila walang pawang katotohanan.
Siya, Siya ang aking inspirasyon. Siya na hindi ko maisambit kung nariyan na ba o maaring parating palang,

Siya na alam kong nagiipon ng lakas, Siya na hangga’t sa makakaya, lubusan akong kinikilala, Siya na nagtitiyagang magipon para sa kinabukasan,

Siya na maaring pagod sa takbo ng buhay , patuloy din ang laban, Siya na kung nasaan man ngayon nais ko iparating, ako’y maghihintay kahit ang puso ay nalulumbay,

Sa panahon ngayon, Ikaw ang tanging kasiguraduhan, Sa magulong kasalukuyan, Ako’y patuloy na lalaban kasama ng pananampalataya,
Sa paglikom ng lakas, kay Bathala walang kupas, Tiwala sa Maykapal, ang silbing sandata sa unos ng buhay,

Aking tanging dasal, ika’y ‘wag magsasawa,sa pagbahagi ng iyong kakayanan para sa kalhuwalhatian ng Maykapal,

Sabik ako ibahagi ang kabutihan ng Diyos, sa Kanyang pag gabay mula noon hanggang ngayon,

Buhay na palarong palaisipan, Hugot ng lakas, higop ng pagasa, sa Maykapal ay sapat,

Kasama ka sa araw’t gabi kong panalangin, nawa’y ang pagsuko ay hindi solusyon sa magulong damdamin,

Sa aking pagdarasal, balang araw, sabay natin pasasalamatan ang Maykapal sa mga nalagpasang pinagdaanan… Ako’y patuloy maghihinntay sa oras na inilaan, hindi mapapagod, hindi hahayaang mabigo, sabay natin tatahakin ang agos ng buhay… tayong dalawa, kasama ang Diyos, balang araw…

 

 

#vscocam #nofilter #iphone #followforfollow #sunset #sunday #love #inspiration #life #photography #photoshoot #photograph #poet #poetry #spokenword #filipino

The Unwanted pregnancy

New Year’s eve has ended in a split second. Here we are entering to a new day in the remaining 365 days. Year 2017 has been a productive and silent year. There were things to finalize resignation letters, say goodbye to a friend, cut some ties with some unworthy relationships, given birth, mourn with a friend who loss a loved one and gain pounds in a year round.

Last week I encountered an unexpected scenario from an innocent face of a 16 years old. Please take note that what I am about to share is only for sharing purposes but the identities will remain confidential and private. I was in my night shift aura when a 16 years old came in per ambulatory accompanied by a relative with a complain of abdominal and flank pain. The first aid was given and doctor did history taking. Last menstrual period was always included in the history, the doctor asked the student if she had sexual contact and if she can remember her LMP. Gladly, she honestly and consciously answered the question in front of her relative but the LMP was still mysteriously unknown due to her irregular menstrual period. When she felt the urge to urinate she had to go to the bathroom for urinalysis until I noticed she’s been inside the comfort room for more than 10 minutes. Unknowingly, this young lady had been pregnant for more or less 5 months. She genuinely asnwered the doctor “I do not know”.

I assisted this lady more than treating her a patient. While doing the evacuation of the abortus and placenta by our resident physician, she hardly gripped my hand and pushed out the breathless creature that was created inside her womb. Unknowingly, she goes to school and a life has just been created. She laughs and drinks with her friends unaware that she has become a mom. It must have been hard for her. I honestly empathize this young lady and spoke words that may uplift her spirit.

“Everything happens for a purpose”. We may never know the reason but ultimately, there is a purpose. A purpose on which maybe we can never accept or a surprise that might giggle our feet to dance as we expectantly wait for it. There must be a reason why my 2017 has been a productive and silent year. It took me months only to realize that God is teaching me to PRIORITIZE the important areas in life. Just like the 16 year old lady who without her knowledge pregnant is the same with the event turn around in my life. I never wanted to cut ties with old friends, I am not into becoming “career woman” because I AM NOT. I also do not want to limit my time whenever I am out with my friends just because I needed to sleep early so I could regain my strength for work. I am not that woman who would regularly decrease my time with people close to my heart. However, things change for a purpose. God allows this to happen so that we could appreciate the real ones and even the small things in life. The young lady did not know that she was pregnant and continous with her routine everyday. A delicate living thing inside her and now its gone. People come and go, and from that moment, I know there are friends who are worth to share all my resentments, bitterness and madness in the world and its up to them if they will depart from me.

The unwanted pregnancy is also the same with “I would like to resign but I still need this” and also, “I am hurting but I still love him”. Nonsense right? But when we are lost, we will find the value behind all these unreasonable circumstances. And from that, I hope we find ourselves to the One who bestow us a life.

 

Return of Superman 2017

I’ve been watching this show in the internet quite some time since I keep seeing them on my Facebook news feed. I followed the KBS Facebook page to see any funny updates on their show. It amuses me how these kids literally relieves my stress whenever I watch them. In particular the boys are fascinating how their dads handle their childhood progress. It also open my mind to curiosity how these dads handle situation on their children.

credit to Google

If you may ask, how it encourages me to follow this show, it is because of this sociable kid, Ko Seungjae. This smart kid of Ko Ji Yong knows how to mingle with different people whether a first meet or just a street vendor. He also sympathizes the unfortunate people and cries when he sees someone sad. He gets easily attached with new-found friends. He was able to melt my heart whenever he does good deeds, effortlessly serves his parents and pets his “sea” friends. He is a vegetarian and meat lover. He talks to animals and even things. He is the only child of the lovely Ko couple and raising this boy with so much love and compassion. Ko Ji Yong, his dad, tries to make his son love him throughout their relationship journey. Whenever asked, “Do you love Appa?”, he would immediately answer, “I don’t.”. I guess it is still a long way for Seungjae to consider his Appa his first love or maybe, he is not as showy as he is to his mom. A tip to Ko Jiyong, he has to level his mind capacity to Seungjae so he could earn his trust. 🙂

another kid that caught my attention, his smile is contagious!!!! His baby steps and adorable cheeks makes my day. His parents consider him a blessing after years of trying to conceive. Glad God answered their prayers and brings this cute baby to their lives. Who is he? William!!!!!

I forgot the surname, Sam is raising this contagious tiny baby so well that everyone he meets faints because he shows his friendly-unbearable-genuine smile! His cuteness overload brings joy to the community naturally and effortlessly. This boy carries a lively spirit innocently which he unknowingly warms every heart, he can adapt to the environment of his dad, the showbiz industry and he loves the cameras as part of his toys. Good job Appa Sam!

My last favorite, the Daebak siblings, I do not know why Si An was known for “Daebak”. Nonetheless, they touch my heart to a different levvel. I saw teamwork on them, most espescially the twin sisters who supports their only brother in every way. Sua and Seola are loving siblings of Si An who protects him from Appa Donggook’s bullying and strangers. Sua has the mind of “Do not talk to strangers”, Seola has a light spirit of “go with the flow” while Si An, as the only boy in the family, I believe his dad loves him so much that disciplines them in a different way.

Si An will grow strong and independent but caring and family oriented because of the strong bonded family he has. Great job, Appa Donggook!!! You are indeed raising a soccer team!!!

Before I end this, it is my prayer to each of these kids to grow God-fearing, uncompromised standards that were raised by their fathers, world changer and godly influence to the community. I believe at the end of the day, its the parents who will capture their children’s heart. I pray that they will teach their kids in a biblical and righteous manner until their hair is old and grey.

I hope you like my blog!

Photos credits to google

That has gotta hurt

Pain is inevitable. However, it is a choice. In a world full of changing standards, it is crazy to think that these could satisfy the heart’s longing which apparently impossible. I am about to share the deep aches and concerns in my world and the answer to all the unbelievable skyrocketting emotions at this very moment.

Pain is a choice as same as with love. If love is present, pain is also real. You see, I did not expect to be this “people-person” as many have said. It was only developed and discovered when I finally decided to get out my comfort zone. Routine has driven weary and I noticed, it is not for me. Anyway, I earned friends. Plenty of friends but “few” real ones. I expected those “friends” to be there but to no avail, they disappeared and seemingly innocently ignored me. The “few” real ones where I encountered real talks, endured all the “uninvited” hangouts, persevered all my “complains” in life and interceded for me on my lowest points. They were the few people I did not expect to give and make time for me. Consequently, assurred me that no matter what season may bring us, whether no talks, no update posts, as long as communication is open, we will still be friends. They affirmed me more than friends, we were sisters! To those “friends” who gives us silent treatments, passes by when sees each other, texts only when needed, and remembers you only when sad, here’s my say, “thank you! Because of those treatment, it allowed me to see the real friends in my life.” I was able to identify the people who can protect my inmost being, sisters who are willing to dig deep in prayers for all my heartaches, and lastly, I was able to hold back my emotions because they help me refocus and refix my eyes to the true Beholder. Painful as it may seem, once in a while, I was reminded that in friendship there will always be “season” or sometimes a decision to let go. And to all my unhealthy relationships, if unfix, let go. 

To futher extend my other concerns, I would like to emphasize that I have no intention of hurting anyone or make parinig (but if you are guilty, then that’s the verdict. Haha.) Moving on, for more than 5 years in my profession, I’m still stuck here in Philippines. I have no savings, no car, no house and lot, no funeral insurance, and no love life. No matter how hard life’s showcase can be, the things mentioned are not the things that can fill a cup. I wanted to go abroad, so bad! I had to resign from a company where my needs were well compensated and work to a small hospital and earn minimum wage in order to gain hospital experience. Struggling it must have to me but that should be not a reason of giving up. If it takes to go through the eye of a needle in order to fulfill the dreams and be prosperous, I will persevere. If it leaves me no choice and remain single for the rest of my life, THAT IS OKAY. Again, I’ll go back to my word, these temporary things will not define my success nor wealth nor identity. Mahirap abutin ang pangarap, lalo na kung hindi talaga para sayo, pero walang masama sa ginagawa ang karapatan. It took me years to finally take the path and consider going abroad. But the challenge does not stop there, there are lot of steps to take such as money to shell out, exhausting effort to fix documents, pass exams and many more. As frustrating as it can be the desire should not deprive. I’ve got to fight but not alone. One day, I’ll fly with different colors and give all the credits to the One who holds my universe – my Abba Father.

As religous as it sound but that’s the truth. I can always complain and whine all the adversities in my life but I can never outgive Gods love. I may have loss important people or dreams unfulfilled but one thing I am sure that I can boast all the days of my life – Jesus. I may have been rejected by people but His wholeness accepted a wretch like me and that is enough, satisfying and fulfilling. At the end of the day, even we remain faithless, He remains faithful. I will keep trusting God and His plans. 

Friendship is not a test

Dear friend,

Friendship is not a test,

rather it is a foundation,

Clarity is the best,

and offers forever portion.

Go in and out from a car,

who doesn’t guarantee of future,

only ache precaution of the heart,

Dear Friend,

Today, my heart is confused,

to you who is not obvious,

I hope it comes to at peace.

“God remove this at once”, I prayed,

So I could feel pain no more,

let the world not know,

So I could move on.

Let them try to pull me low,

But I won’t let them prosper.

Throw me all the 0% chances,

still,

friendship is not an experiment.

But a substance to a blooming romance,

ordained story to be unfold someday.

May this disheveled heart be groomed in no time,

Because I would love to love someone who is worth my love.

Forgiveness is a gift

I’ve been thinking lately that somehow I felt used by some so-called “friends”. Friends who said they would stay. Friends who used to call you when they have problems and make you feel special because they tell you their darkest secrets. Friends who would text you, “Where are you?” but to my unresponsive instinct they will favorably unconsider your presence because you’ll find out that they’re with their “other” friends already.

You see, I do not have that “bunch of friends” that would stick through thick and thin but I have “few” friends who would gear up and listen attentively to all my whining unreasonable assumptions based from my own judgmental thoughts. Those were just few. Where are the others? Ayun, masayang nalilimutan ako at hinaharap ang kasalukuyan kahit wala ang presensiya ko. To be honest, I am mad. They didn’t even dare to ask how I was doing? And they would just forget all the fun memories that we had. But I won’t let my emotions, this emotion, to prevail!

“Forgiveness is a gift” my resident doctor repeatedly shared as I tell some of my insights in life. I had to go through acceptance before I go to the finished line. I had to accept that fact that these friends of mine will not call me because they are happy (which is good!) even without me. Well, I am just saying that those were the days and I am on my season of expanding my horizon and contentedly accept the fact that this is how my life goes on.

How I received forgiveness? By a genuine encounter with Christ and not with people. I saw how I can be selfish at ALL times and I look at people how they move in the pace of life selfishly. I am always reminded by the FACT that PEOPLE WILL FAIL US but God will never do the same. As I have laid my foundation to the Rock of my salvation He let me see through my whole being by giving me the full access of sonship in His Kingdom. He convinced me my true identity, worth and value. Whenever I get reminded by that I was always put in the position of surrender. Because of that I will always be forever grateful that even I only have “few” people to trust and treasure, I know that in Him I will always find security and peace.

And you asked if I have forgiven them? 100% YES. friendship are not meant to depend on each other. Sometimes there are seasons. A change of heart either to stay or let go. A friendship worth your time and sometimes an immediate action of letting go. Wherever they are, I AM HAPPY FOR THEM. As long as I live, my time, effort, and heart will be available to them but don’t abused me, I’ll know if you are using me to fill that reserved chair which apparently not meant for me. So help me God.

So, forgiveness is a gift. It is either you accept it or not.

 

I didn’t get to blow my birthday cake

Turning 27 this year is just surreal. I can’t believe I’m already that old. It seems my age stops at 25. Anyway, my birthdays has never been extraordinary. It was just the same ordinary usual day for me. Life can be pretty complicated but I’ll end this blog with a redeemable events of story.

A part of me just felt excitement when I was waiting for 12 midnight. “I am turning 27!!!!” I said excitedly. I don’t know why. So, of course before I got to sleep, I whispered a little short prayer to God, “Thank You, Lord.”

My family greeted me with a simple “Happy birthday” and I responded with a “Thank you”. It is enough for me. But this time, I didn’t get to blow my candle because we didn’t celebrate it. I had a very busy duty at the hospital, overtime for two hours. It rained so heavily. Glad that my brother was near that place I get to go home at least. A simple dinner with siblings at Uncle Moe’s and a dessert at Lawson. Glad to spend it with them. To be honest, I am financially broke. As much as I wanted to celebrate my birthday with few true people in my life, MONEY HAS BEEN AN ISSUE. But I still have few here in my wallet so I had to treat my siblings at least.

Well, the highlight of the night, I received a call from my Dad. Where we did not have any communications ever since some unexpected events arose since this year started. But I really thank God from letting me hear his voice and letting me know that my father still cares for us.

I may not have blow a candle on my birthday but the glimpse of disguised blessings where my family can be save from unruly heartbreaks is enough for me to know that I still have such treasures.

I thank the Lord for the people He brought into my life. People who chose to stay despite of all the things that happened. True friends who rather accept my flaws than see the aching pretentious smile. Thank You, Lord for anoher year. I am expectant and excited to what lies ahead of me.

If only you’re here now

I could think a lot of reason why your presence isn’t beside me. I can understand the “why’s” and “because’s” of fate in the midst of our most awaited “forever”. Maybe, just maybe, I can’t be ready this time. Or maybe, you cannot grasp the huge responsibility in a commitment. 

Commitment. I could sigh all the time and express through my breath the desperation to be in a relationship. Though I am caught in between the wanting and the thought to be in that position. 

Let us take this moment and set apart the thought of us not being together. And let me just take this instant to write a momentary letter to the future spouse.

If only you’re here, I would express how grateful I am to have you here by my side. If only you’re here, I would express my love to you and tell you each day how much I’ve missed you during your working hours. If only you’re here, I would like to embrace you as strong as I can be. If only you’re here, I would tell you each day, how proud I am to be yours. If only you’re here, I will do my best waking up in the morning, prepare your coffee and breakfast. If only you’re here, I would love to pray with you wherever we are.  If only you are here. Yet, time can only tell how our story unfolds. And I trust the One who holds the clock. I trust the One who holds the pen of our book because nothing goes wrong when everything is surrendered in His care.

I can be selfish at this period of time but believe that I am patiently waiting and praying for you. These words may have been redundant to a single woman like me but these are true. Eventually, it is about trusting the One who is in control of our lives. So long, my Love. 

This ends my letter to someone I haven’t met but Loved for so long. I hope when the time is right I’ll be able to show this.