Pain is inevitable. However, it is a choice. In a world full of changing standards, it is crazy to think that these could satisfy the heart’s longing which apparently impossible. I am about to share the deep aches and concerns in my world and the answer to all the unbelievable skyrocketting emotions at this very moment.
Pain is a choice as same as with love. If love is present, pain is also real. You see, I did not expect to be this “people-person” as many have said. It was only developed and discovered when I finally decided to get out my comfort zone. Routine has driven weary and I noticed, it is not for me. Anyway, I earned friends. Plenty of friends but “few” real ones. I expected those “friends” to be there but to no avail, they disappeared and seemingly innocently ignored me. The “few” real ones where I encountered real talks, endured all the “uninvited” hangouts, persevered all my “complains” in life and interceded for me on my lowest points. They were the few people I did not expect to give and make time for me. Consequently, assurred me that no matter what season may bring us, whether no talks, no update posts, as long as communication is open, we will still be friends. They affirmed me more than friends, we were sisters! To those “friends” who gives us silent treatments, passes by when sees each other, texts only when needed, and remembers you only when sad, here’s my say, “thank you! Because of those treatment, it allowed me to see the real friends in my life.” I was able to identify the people who can protect my inmost being, sisters who are willing to dig deep in prayers for all my heartaches, and lastly, I was able to hold back my emotions because they help me refocus and refix my eyes to the true Beholder. Painful as it may seem, once in a while, I was reminded that in friendship there will always be “season” or sometimes a decision to let go. And to all my unhealthy relationships, if unfix, let go.
To futher extend my other concerns, I would like to emphasize that I have no intention of hurting anyone or make parinig (but if you are guilty, then that’s the verdict. Haha.) Moving on, for more than 5 years in my profession, I’m still stuck here in Philippines. I have no savings, no car, no house and lot, no funeral insurance, and no love life. No matter how hard life’s showcase can be, the things mentioned are not the things that can fill a cup. I wanted to go abroad, so bad! I had to resign from a company where my needs were well compensated and work to a small hospital and earn minimum wage in order to gain hospital experience. Struggling it must have to me but that should be not a reason of giving up. If it takes to go through the eye of a needle in order to fulfill the dreams and be prosperous, I will persevere. If it leaves me no choice and remain single for the rest of my life, THAT IS OKAY. Again, I’ll go back to my word, these temporary things will not define my success nor wealth nor identity. Mahirap abutin ang pangarap, lalo na kung hindi talaga para sayo, pero walang masama sa ginagawa ang karapatan. It took me years to finally take the path and consider going abroad. But the challenge does not stop there, there are lot of steps to take such as money to shell out, exhausting effort to fix documents, pass exams and many more. As frustrating as it can be the desire should not deprive. I’ve got to fight but not alone. One day, I’ll fly with different colors and give all the credits to the One who holds my universe – my Abba Father.
As religous as it sound but that’s the truth. I can always complain and whine all the adversities in my life but I can never outgive Gods love. I may have loss important people or dreams unfulfilled but one thing I am sure that I can boast all the days of my life – Jesus. I may have been rejected by people but His wholeness accepted a wretch like me and that is enough, satisfying and fulfilling. At the end of the day, even we remain faithless, He remains faithful. I will keep trusting God and His plans. 
On Bended Knees 