Better not Bitter

It’s funny how men have contributed heartbreaks in my existence. They have unconsciously and consciously intended breaking my innermost being pieces by pieces. However, what is more funnier is that, all of them, whether my brother, friends, former lovers, have already been forgotten and forgiven from what they did. It was a process! Of course! It has never been easy. To get heart broken by “men” is hilariously shame excuse but we all have reasons.

I’m sharing my recent relationship with a man whom I interacted with for over 3 months and left without any explanation. Note that I cannot share the name of the person for a reason of protection. 

Whenever I try to look at our conversation, I can’t help but think how it ended mysteriously, brings me to the point of sadness. Anyway, we meet people every chapter of our lives either they stay or just be “part” of it. Nonetheless, whoever comes to our lives have imprinted in our hearts.

I do not know why he chose to disappear but it brought me to lowest point of my life and asked how was I doing? looked at myself in any angle, made mistake and somehow it was my fault. I cannot blame him for leaving me hanging since I do not have the right or wala akong papel sa buhay niya. It somehow made me feel unworthy and lonely. I had my self pity days the moment it happened. I blame myself everyday. I even looked at myself undeserving of the “best” of what they were trying to tell me. Then this hit me. 

Maybe, I was too lonely, hurting, what I thought is mine, is not yet the best from God. Maybe, since I was emotionally incapable, I grab what’s in front of me. Scared to lose what’s making me happy -therefore, I settle for less. Then it hit me, like my friend used to say who is now in heaven, 

“DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS because You deserve THE BEST”.

The best. How? When everytime I step out, I fail? How can I deserve the best if all I think what is good will put me at the edge of the cliff? Leaving me hanging? Departing without any explanation? Mysteriously gone? Sad. Reality.  

I move forward with unanswered queries in my heart. Leaving it all just like what he did. (Mukhang forte niya yun 😅) I realized I do not need his explanation since he didn’t even try to reach out. I won’t look after him looking desperate and ask his explanation. Praying God would open the heavens for him and touch his heart and let him act like a “man”. But, just like any other woman, it would be better to hear him out lalo na may pinagsamahan naman kami. But if he is really decided to leave it that way, then let it be. Somehow I look at it for our own good. I think it’s for the best though. Kaya hinayaan ko nalang din. Kasi mukhang masaya naman narin siya. But I can’t help and think that I missed him everyday. ANYWAY!!! Haha. Enough with the drama. 

Going back, I was reminded by my few accountability friends of my “worth”. I stopped thinking on how I could get in touch with him or get an answer of my “why’s” because I remember that my worth does not come from men. And so,tumayo ulit ako, pinilit kong ibangon sarili ko sa miserableng nakaraan at patuloy paalalahanin ng halaga ko hindi sa mata ng mga tao kundi sa mata ng Maykapal.

I’m not walking this life with all the hatred in my heart just because some men chose to break it. I choose to forgive. And when I say, F O R G I V E, meaning, freedom from past, bitterness, hatred and anger towards the person including the things they did. WHOLEHEARTED. Yes, it’ll cringe a little when we see  the people who have hurt us but peace transcends. Through that it makes you a better person. Relearning isn’t bad, it will make you ask some unwanted questions but life is a battle and learning is part of it. Choose not to give up! Choose to forgive! Choose to be a better version of yourself! 

So whenever men would try to disturb or distract you, try to look back, No! Do not look back! Remember that you are now a redeemed person who has learned from the past but NEVER GOING BACK. 

You are the daughter of the Most High and your value does not come on earth. Remember that no matter how messy and ugly your past can be He binds with us. He accepts us for who we are. How about you? Have you accepted yourself and free yourself from hatred in the past? Freedom comes from forgiving ourselves. 

Feel free to share. 

Mt. Batulao

  
It was February when my guy friends from church invited me to join them to hike Mt. Maculot. It was my first time and it was surreal! I really had so much fun plus friends who won’t give up on you. Anyway, that was my first and halos sinumpa ko yun dahil sa dami kong “slide” moments. But it didn’t stop me, my next trek was in Mt. Daraitan but our goal was Tinipak River. Such a beautiful sight! Then supposedly will go to Mt. Gulugod Baboy, but I decided to spend time with my workmates instead in Camayan Beach. Oh well, I have missed a lot that day indeed! Tsk!
Anyway, this hike is memorable! Kahit nalilito parin ako sa mga terms na HIKE, TREK, And RAPEL. Basta alam ko nilalakbay ko bundok. A friend of mine once asked herself “Why am I doing this? What am I trying to prove here? What is my purpose?”. Napaisip ako bakit nga ba? Then came Batulao. 

Before we climb Batulao, the past few days, the weather was very discouraging. But still majority of us are decided to go. My friends are good to go and as usual late parin kaming umalis AT dahil sa chicken sandwich with celery ng kaibigan namin! HAHA

So nagumpisa yung trek namin around 9am ata yun? Sobrang memorable kasi ang dami kong nawitness na character ng mga kaibigan ko. At lalong lalo na yung faithfulness ni God!!! Sobraaaa! This one is so genuine, sobrang totoo, all out ako dito. Ibang klase to! ❤️

Habang naglalakad ako paakyat, nakailang tawag ako kay God!!!! Sobrang dami, “God! I’m so tired!!!! Naghhyperventilate na ako. Naghhyperventilate na sila.” Pero sabi nga ni Dory ng Finding Nemo “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…” Ako naman, “Just keep walking, just keep walking.” Mind over matter nga daw kahit sobrang pawisan ka na plus natulo pa sipon mo… HAHA

  
Mt. Batulao is very dangerous nga talaga konting kalokohan mo lang pwede ka na gumulong gulong pababa. Kung gusto mo ng shortcut, isang dulas mo lang sa baba ka na, ewan ko lang kung buhay ka pa pagbaba mo. Sobrang narrowed way lang siya talaga. And NO TREES! I finally saw the LONELY TREE, lonely nga pero lagi naman nadadaanan, kaya siguro standing strong siya kasi dinadalaw naman ng marami. Wasn’t able to take a photo with it because there were bystanders. 

   
I’m not sure if ako lang talaga yun, pero mas napagod ako dito compared to Mt. Maculot! It was a long trek and hike plus rapelling! My favorite part is the rapelling and rock climbing- 90 degrees!!! Pero grabe talaga yung pagod siguro nga sabi ng friend ko, “Kasi nakikita natin ung goal kaya siguro mas napapagod tayo, hindi tulad sa Mt. Maculot kahit ilang beses sabihin na dalawang oras, go parin tayo.” Ahh I got his point. Pero hindi talaga! Sobrang nakakapagod eh.

  
So here’s the unforgettable talaga. Majority of us are women and I am speechless by their unwavering faith. That’s why we pushed the plan. And we are really favored because it was a very very fine weather! ❤️

Things I’ve discovered and learned:

1. “Lord. Lord. Lord.” – we were calling God along the way. It still amazes me that even we’re tired, si Lord parin ang tinatawag namin. 

“I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God; incline your ear to me; hear my words. Wondrously show your steadfast love, O Savior of those who seek refuge from their adversaries at your right hand. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings, ” Psalm 17:6-8

2. “Malapit na tayo guys!!!” – we have to reach camp 10! But we were still at Camp 1, non stop ang pagmmotivate samin ng mga boys! 

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. – “1 Thessalonians 5:11

3. Courage heart– we all need courage! To pursue life, to finish the race!

” Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

4. Overcome your fears – we all have fears, (fear of heights, fear of social, mountain and whatever that it) someday we will all face them but instead of dwelling on them turn ’em to faith. 

5. Have FAITH– God reminded me  to have faith and be in faith. Faith. Faith. “Trust Me and just hold My hand.” Very encouraging. All of us have struggles and God has solutions to them. 

“Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. -” 1 Timothy 6:12

6. Glorify the Creator of all things– there were plenty of complains, stumbled moments, walked alone, but I did not see my friends give up, meron “almost” but they continued. And instead of complaining they looked at the beautiful creations instead. Kahit pagod na, they would still call upon God. Kahit wala ka ng katabi sa pagakyat ng bundok, natuto kaming maging independent and dependent kay God lang. Even in the wildest form, we will only learn to appreciate the small things if we have tasted the goodness and faithfulness of our Creator knowing that even in front of the stumbling block we know that we will never be alone. Just like this wild orchid.

  
I am super uber blessed to be with these great people. Character building indeed and its part of building stronger friendship. At the end of the day, we were all smiling dahil kumpleto kaming umakyat at kumpleto din kaming nakababa. Laughter is indeed one of the best medicine. I am excited Lord! Thank you.

   

Looking forward with the whole gang!!! 

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

I have watched this movie back in my high school days. Actually I really didn’t understand the story. I wasn’t a fan of it. My friends and family brought my mind to curiosity at that time. What’s with the ring? That each of the character are falling from its circular gold form. Last Sunday, our pastor mentioned the Lord of the Rings, it encouraged me to watch it all over again. It turned out unexpectedly pretty exciting. I realized that the story has a deep meaning. Its not only about the thin look alike monster “My precious”  was all about or not only about the ring, it was a mix good lessons and real life stories resemblance. I just want to share with you my favorite characters in the movie that moved me into tears and affected me in some ways.

First of all,

Gandalf the Grey

This Wizard who was an old friend of Bilbo Baggins, who was also a co-founder of the precious Ring of power, is a righteous character that all he thinks about is for the betterment of the many, which is good. He looked after the four hobbits, fought for them, guided and led them throughout the journey. He was like a huge guardian to them.

Aragorn

The last heir of Gordon, who was in love with a beautiful immortal Elf, Arwen, who chose to be mortal to be with him. Nevertheless, Aragorn did not stop him to go to the quest for the sake of the destruction of the Ring of Power but it also did not stop him to love Arwen even in the distance shores.

 

 

 

 

 

Sam

Among the four hobbits in the movie, I find Sam really courageous and brave. Without him Mr. Frodo would not make it to the Fire of Mordon. Sam helped Mr. Frodo to continue the journey despite of their physical weakness, (lack of food and water) he motivated Mr. Frodo to finish the restless journey. Without Sam, Mr. Frodo could’ve been dead that time. But because he remained faithful to his promise, Sam was able to accomplish the mission with Mr. Frodo.

 

 

 

Eowyn

This mighty woman warrior, she reminds me of a Woman in the Bible – Rahab, she also fought for her loved ones. During the time of Eowyn, women are not allowed to fight, they have their duty at home, but for her her duty is not only bound at home, it bounds even outside the kingdom. Behind her beauty and elegance gestures lies a warrior with full of courage and bravery. She even saved the king of Rohan. She knew her identity, she knew she isn’t allowed to join the war, she knew that she is only bound inside the kingdom, but she didn’t remained that way. Why? Because she knows she can do bigger than staying inside the kingdom.

 

The last part of the movie made me cry. It moved me in tears, not only moved by it but burst me into tears. Mr. Frodo and Gandalf have to leave because their mission has been accomplished and that is to save the Shire, the Hobbits town. It moved me in tears that throughout the “restless” journey, Sam never had single thought of leaving Mr. Frodo even it risks his life. I was in tears because even many lives were lost; in the end they were still victorious. It affected me in some ways and touched my heart. Aragorn was appointed King and I like his speech, “The victory is not only for one man, but to also to all of you….”. Many random soldiers were involved in the war, they have their own family, they chose to fight for them, to secure them, even it means of losing their own lives. There’s always pain but when we learn that even in the midst of it, as long as we do it for all good, it will always be bearable.

Like Jonathan and David in the bible, they love each other like a brother. They stood for each other. They never leave by their side. Their friendship last forever till death do they part. The characters were almost hopeless and faithless. The enemies have given them many signs of deception of Mr. Frodo’s death. But they did not give in to it, they never stopped unless they found Sam and Mr. Frodo’s body. It was love that kept them going even it seems hopeless and the one they hold on to is not by their side, they still continued. 1 Corinthians 13:13 “And now these three remains: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” The foundation of it all is LOVE.

I want to relate this to what Jesus did for us, an innocent man has to die for all of us, but it did not stop there, He gave us the great commission to every area of the world and He will be with us through the end of this age. Jesus is not the only one who shared the good news, because He is the good news Himself. Paul, Peter, John and many more has to suffer from all persecution and discriminations all over the world but with the fellowship of one faith, it never stopped them. Painful? Yes, but they know to whom they do their passion. Its all for the glory of God. If the fellowship of the Ring’s main purpose is for the destruction of the ring to Mordon. Our purpose here on earth is to not sit down but to share the salvation we have by grace through faith in Christ Jesus. That would be a “worht-it” journey. Ultimately, more than the movie’s story, Jesus is still one epic story. 

Photos: courtesy of google images

A warmth welcome to 2013

Last year, my siblings and I went to Mall of Asia to celebrate New Year’s eve. A free watch of fireworks near Manila Bay was all worth it. Now that God has answered our prayers for a family car, we have considered to go to Mall of Asia again for the coming of 2013. People are everywhere, car parking was full and fancy restaurants are all loaded, if not loaded it’s close. Nevertheless,  since we have a long wait we found the Chowking open so we bought our dinner even in a long line.

My siblings and I ate inside the car and we had our cute small conversation with each other while eating. Then I asked them “what was your best moment for the year 2012?” My brother said, “When I was given a chance to study.” while my sister in return, “When we were complete family..” Then I hastily said “No copy paste!” then my youngest brother quickly said, “When God answered our prayer to have a car.”  I finally included mine, “When I graduated and passed my NLE board exam… then I had a work..” Then we proceeded on munching our food, suddenly my youngest brother asked us, “What was your worst moment but saw God’s hands at work?” My brother shared his, “My P.E subject was fixed.” Then my sister said, “Its a bit a long story but its kind of a friend-lover rivalry… and I was involve but thank God, it was fix!” Then I remembered mine, “When I was a private duty nurse… you know the story!” My youngest brother can’t remember his but God is always at work. Every time I see their faith, I always reflect on mine too. I often judge them by how they respond on things and how they act on each circumstances but God is so faithful to consider our faith and be so loving every day.

I admit I have a strong foundation because I came from a solid ground and that is through my family. I thank God for giving them to me. 2012 has been great! I will never forget the year where God has almost answered and heard my faith goals! He has been so faithful to me and my family. From none to abundance, and vice versa. Whatever our status we still hold on to our faith. Since 2011 I started this thanksgiving corporate prayer before the clock hits 12:00 mid night every year with my siblings. It feels great to run out of time because of many things to thank for.

After the thanksgiving prayer, the media hosted the event started a 5 minutes warm up  fireworks. So we decided to go and look for a perfect spot to enjoy it. After the 5 minutes fireworks, my siblings and I bought Mint Choco Chip ice cream! My favorite! 🙂

The countdown starts at 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, then I whispered a thankful prayer to God.. 2, 1 – Happy New Year! Welcome 2013!!! We took a picture under the fireworks and wishing mom and dad is also with us… Still praise God! 🙂

Then we immediately went inside the car, people started walking, driving their car, getting their pictures and finds their way home. The road was so free, even the expressway tollgate! Happy! HAHA.

I am more expectant of God than on what He is about to do with my life this year. To Set apart this year for Him only. 

Welcome 2013! thank You Lord for 2012 🙂

May we never fail to see God’s hand in every circumstances we have. May it seem so good and bad, God is always at work. Remember that He always loves us. God bless you all!

Joshua 3:5 “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you.”

Psalm 48:14 “For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end.”

Finally, a new heart to the One

Its been a year since my disobedience kept roaring inside my head. Now that I finally get tired of doing it all over again knowing that on the first place it only gave me so much pain and aches. I finally said, “I give up! I surrender!” (Hands off!). Doing it all in my hands is not really a good character of being a woman. Then I guess it was last week of November when I realized it has to stop or I have to stop. I admitted that there is something wrong with me that the situation has been a cycle. But thank God for faithful friends who never stopped knocking at my door telling me that it was never God’s will on the first place. So I had to stop and I must obey God. It’s not a must but I am sure God’s will for me is still the best even at first it hurts.

I can finally say that I have a new heart, everything changed! I can finally say that even without an engagement ring or a future partner, I am happy! You know why? God’s love is more than enough! The satisfaction and unconditional love that I could never ask for more is already with me, in me and for me. How could I ask God to give me more than the love He has for me when it was already endless or unending? I have desires, yes, God knows all of them but for the record now that I have settled myself down, I have set them aside. It is already my last resort. 

I know God only can start that fire again when He already set me on that season. The love of being a single person is really an advantage of knowing God more without any distraction. There are some distractions, temptations and past flashbacks, yes, but as long as I fix my eyes to the One who loved me even before I was conceive nothing nor no one could ever separate us. Even though I am surrounded with my friends who are in love with their finance’s or they have already set it. I know that one of this days God will just continue to give me that heart to someone who would confidently say to me, “you are worth the wait, my queen.” Maybe its not this time, nor my time, of course it will always be on His perfect time for both of us.

I realized that as a single person, there’s a lot of things to do in this season. Grab all the opportunity while I still have it, they say. I want to go to a place where I can really appreciate God’s creation and get merry with people I love. Spend more time with my family. Travel around the world and many more. Well, those are some of my dreams, but nothing is impossible, I still got many years to do that, I still got many months to save and I have the Jehovah-Jireh, my Provider. 

I believe God is still preparing me for something. God is molding me to someone He wanted me to become. Eventually, I’ll become what He wanted me knowing that He alone knows what’s best for me 😀 The unconditional love He has for me never stopped and with that I am grateful that even in this season, a time of being single and happy, I know that with Him I could never ask for more. The love, security, trust, hope and faith rest in Him alone – My life rest in Him alone.

Finally, a new heart to the One.

The One has captured my heart again and again. He never stops indeed to the people He loves 🙂