Thank You for the LOVE

As the year ends, I did some time alone to recall the whole year. I admit that this year has been a challenge for me. Ang daming pagbabago sa sarili ko, I had to change my perspective in life, including principles and beliefs. Kinilala
ko rin sarili ko. My lifestyle changed as well but I can attest God’s faithfulness in my life. From tears to tears, moon and back, front to cover, God showed me His power over my life. Not my plan, but His will to be done.
People come and go as they say. People enter in your life and then suddenly leave with invalid reasons or unexplainable circumstances. Sometimes they leave because that’s the only best choice to express their love for you. I had the most unforgettable events this year, I learned and discovered that I am a “land person” when I started mountain climbing. I finally learned that my top 2 love language are words of affirmation and time. Ang dami ko pang kailangan idiscover sa sarili ko,I just have to continue to get out from my comfort zone.

During the leaders group Christmas party, we had this activity of back tracking the year’s highlights. I got the chance to scan and review my posts from Facebook and Instagram even the tweets from Twitter. I found myself in awe and tears how God has been really gracious to me. I couldn’t be here without God’s unconditional love, I don’t wanna sound Holy or religious but this is just the truth. God has been really faithful in my life.

I thought I couldn’t get up but He made me realized that He won’t put me in a situation if I cannot handle it. Kaya nasabi ko rin, “Siguro, nakita rin ni God na strong ako. Kaya He allowed these to happen.” For the first three months I kept on thinking “What did I do to deserve this?” “Why did this even happen to me? Of all people, why me?” I know I do not have the right to ask God my “Why’s” because who am I to ask the King of kings and the Lord of lords. It’s a shame for me to ask, but I just came to Him with open arms and humility in my heart. God hasn’t really answered it exactly, (and I stopped asking)He doesn’t have to but right now, I see the BIGGER picture. It is about the obedience, leaning on to Him even it means of letting go of the things or people in life. At the end of the day it will always and should be ABOUT HIM.

Through obedience I saw God graciously move in our midst. He restores what was lost. He gives us hope and makes us realize that above all things He is in control. I am now in tears as I type this, maybe not with what I hoped but the God I serve is the God of restoration. People may see me broken or “bitter”, they may even tag my past a joke but what makes me stand firm is that God will always be behind my story because He is the author of my life. I won’t mind what they will say or even how they insult me. Fixing my eyes on Jesus. 😁

Many times when I get back from step one, “denial” then end my day with “acceptance” which only depicts that life can be so much fun and complicated at the same time. It also shows that we are limited, mapapagod ka rin. Iba si God magsulat, talagang unpredictable and exciting. Either you’ll cry or laugh. How do I describe 2015? RAIN. Isa pa na nadiscover ko sa sarili ko, I am now a pluviophile. Rain, not only it gives you a bed weather or a gloomy feeling but there is something about the rain that makes you feel happy and in love. I don’t know but that will best describe my 2015. I am expectant to what is ahead of me, lalo na sa 2016. Well I am always expectant to New Year’s naman. I remember 2015 countdown, sabi ko kay God, “ Excited ako Lord.” Of course, sa buhay hindi mawawala ang drama but as much as possible iniiwasan ko yan, sayang lang ang luha, kung alam ko naman matatapos din ang drama. Unfortunately, things don’t come the way we plan it but definitely there is always a solution with every challenges.

God picked me up again and embraced me for the nth time. I never felt secured, alive and more assured in His presence. He showed me that in every situation that I am out of control, He is in control. That I am limited and He is limitless. He wants me decrease and Him increase in my life. He wants ME and Yes, I am His.

I am ending my 2015 with a joy in my heart. I am welcoming 2016 with open arms and welcoming 2015 to my 2016. Yes, not a goodbye but hello again! Thank you for being part of my 2015 and looking forward you on my 2016.

Ps. Thank you for a fun-filled 2015

(Sorry na, sorry na sa wrong grammars ko. Haha)

My hiding place

 

 I remember when I was only in elementary, one of my favorite game was hide and seek. I used every effort and energy to hide myself from the seeker because we were only given 10 to 20 seconds (depending on set of counts) to hide and if you were caught first, you’ll be the next one to find them. Well, that’s how the hide and seek mechanics goes. I enjoyed hiding but sometimes when the seeker takes time looking out for you, sometimes it gets boring or frustrating (depende kung saan ka nagtatago, baka sa Cabinet, eh di pinagpawisan ka na sa kakaantay sakanya mahanap ka lang niya.) But we have to choose our hiding place.

Psalm 119:114 “You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word.”

I just want to share this verse where in the midst of catastrophe of my life, I found my hiding place. It is so amazing that through that storm, it helped me see how I should go back from the start. Where I get my real strength. I didn’t know that I was already on the edge of falling from the cliff. All this time I thought I was still on that same road walking with the same feet. Little did I know I was already letting go. Little did I know I was hurting the One who loved me first. Little did I know, I was creating walls between us. Little did I know, I was trying to listen but I was blinded by earthly things that temporarily satisfied me and ignores the voice. Then came the storm, I thought I was on the same ground but again little did I know I was already tossed by strong wind and heavy waves of the ocean. Until I saw someone calmly walking in the water, while I was hit and tossed by the strong waves of the ocean, I saw Him walking towards me, reaching out His hand. Without second thoughts, I reached out my hand and He carried me all the way and calmed the storm.

As He was carrying me, I hid into His chest and embraced Him so tight that I don’t want to let go. I just want to be in His arms. I found my Shield. I found my hiding place. Jesus is my Shield and my Hiding place. He didn’t leave me behind, He didn’t let go of me, He was there all throughout my stormy journey. I was deafened and blinded by temporary things here on earth. I was hiding from Him, it took time when I was already enjoying hiding from His plans but thankful that He finally found me. He didn’t stop looking after me, even I came to the point of giving up. Giving up in faith. Giving up in hope. Giving up in trusting people. I got tired. Exhausted. But you know what storm taught me? There’s always rainbow after the rain. That’s a covenant from God. That’s a promise coming from a Sovereign God.

It was really dark. Darkness with anger, hatred, bitterness and even unforgiveness. Blinded by what the world can give and deafened by human promises. Until I cannot hear God’s whisper. As I type these words, I am in tears of joy that God picked me up from pieces. He made me whole again. He gave me peace. Peace that I cannot get from any person or a thing. Peace that secures my future. Peace that gives me hope. Peace that brings joy to my heart. Peace that gives assurance that I can do better this time. Peace that I will never walk this journey alone. Indeed, Jesus is the prince of peace.

John 14: 27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

I am really thankful for what really happened because it helped me go back to my source of Strength and Joy. God uses situations that we thought we cannot handle, but God believes that through that circumstance He will prove Himself that He is Lord. And yes, He is. I can always hide from Him, take things for granted or get used to what I have, but one thing I’m sure of that what was already built will never be shaken because I believe that I have a strong foundation and that is my faith in Christ. He will always be my hiding place and my shield. I put my hope in Him.

Painful but rewarding

It’s been three days since I decided to go out from social media specifically Facebook. Ang daming tumatakbo sa isipan ko for the past weeks. Sometimes I can’t sleep because of too many things running through my mind. Pumapasok ako sa trabaho minsan tulala at minsan nagiisip while doing my task. But within that three days, I grabbed it as an opportunity to talk and ask God’s revelation sa pinagdadaanan ko. I didn’t force my will to happen, I carefully waited and enjoyed the moments with the Lord. I thank God for being faithful and not leaving me in my craziest and wildest moments of my life. True that He never leaves nor forsake His children (Hebrews 13:5)

Within that span of three days or two and half days, no one knows my situation. Nobody dared to ask me how I was. I didn’t open up to people because I thought I might just give them additional burden. I waited patiently. Until first night, I cried it out loud to God, I was weeping and mourning. But He continuously assured me that I am loved by the most high. He designed me just as He desired it. Couldn’t let go of the pain I was going through. People close to my heart were all (at that time when I needed the most) busy but thankful because it helped me go to God. Sometimes we usually go to people to express our feelings knowingly someone better is waiting for us to share our deepest hurts and cries of our hearts.

Every night before I go to sleep wishing something miracle could happen, It just ended up a disappointment. Instead of doing the usual things, For the second time, I let it all out to God. I let Him move and listen to what He wants me to hear. After that evening, medyo nabawasan na yung bigat na nararamdaman ko. Nung nabawasan na, naisipan ko ng to share it with a friend and thankful she was available. And while spending time with her, something unexpected happen that made me smile for that day. Praising God with all my might to put back smile on my face. I thought its the end but God made me realize a lot of things. But of course the doubts and bitterness (honestly speaking) nandun parin yun, hindi naman agad agad mawawala kasi ang daming tanong na tumatakbo sa isipan ko kahit pa nangyari yung isang bagay na nakapagpangiti sakin. I’ve resolved to entrust everything to God because He knows best.

I learned the hard way. Painful but rewarding. I learned to appreciate the smallest and simplest things here on earth. I learned to wait patiently. I learned to avoid expectations and demands. I learned that communication and goals in life are still very important. Since I am a princess of God therefore I deserve the best. I learned that I should not be treated undeservingly. Ang dami kong narealize. And one more thing that made my three days out from social media is I learned to cling more to God even in the most difficult and painful part of my life. His grace indeed abounds to His children.

And God is able to make all grace overflow to you so that because you have enough of everything in every way at all times, you will overflow in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

It is all about trust

I grew up earning people’s trust. Not because I did something wrong. Maybe because my mind is preoccupied by my assumptions. Which technically, shouldn’t be that way. I grew up becoming a worrier from health issues down to finances. As a graduate in a medical field with enough knowledge, with just simple cough and colds, Sometimes I over react and assumed that it may go to tuberculosis! Hilarious isn’t it? (But tell me nurses, you were also that O.A) Anyway this blog will go about how I overcome from being a worrier.

I learned the hard way. Honestly, it wasn’t the most exciting lesson. But my character and personality was build. Trust means letting go and waiting. It takes a lot of patience to earn their trust. It took me years to let them trust me or trust them. I didn’t force them anymore. I did my part and I stopped.

I love my family most especially my siblings. I’ve been their guardian for more than five years since my parents work abroad. I’ve witnessed their growth, their ups and downs, their issues in life and their health concerns. When my siblings get sick, I really get panic or anxious! Literally get crazy! Then Here comes the financial problems, since I was just a student back then, I don’t know where to get instant money. I don’t know how to pay the bills back then. And all of that has been running through my mind. I know you all know that problems or conflicts are really part of life.

My story doesn’t end there. The trust issues begins when the conflict rises. I prayed so hard, I wept and wept till God heard me. I didn’t give up and He doesn’t ignore me. I trusted God from finance to healing. I know that my God saves and provides. It took me years to remove that fears and becoming a worrier. He restored me by assuring me through His word.

“7 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; I do not give it to you as the world does. Do not let your hearts be distressed or lacking in courage” John 14:27

It still took me years to overcome the fears. It wasn’t easy. I lost friends because of my insecurities and misassumptions. But again since I put my trust to God and He has always been my refuge, He saved my relationships.

“And God is able to make all grace overflow to you so that because you have enough of everything in every way at all times, you will overflow in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8

His grace made it all possible for me to earn their trust again and for me to put trust on people. .it wasn’t easy. I was scared on building new relationships but God assured me that He will move and work in their lives. I cannot but He can. Its all up to God if this relationship will stay or not. But God knows my heart’s desire. I know He will not let any enemy destroy my relationships. He holds everything. And even my relationships belongs to Him and I know as much as He loves me, He also loves the people close to my heart. ❤️ I hope that let’s not allow the enemy to rule over our mind and conquer over our thoughts. I hope that this article would be a great help of to whom we should really put our trust and that is in Jesus Christ.

High Standards

I am the eldest in the family among four siblings. I am surrounded by older people with old fashioned knowledge. I always love to ask for counsel whenever I get confuse or can’t make up my mind. I go to them and ask for their help and guide. Eventually growing up, leaders I’ve encountered adapted the common reminder “Do not settle for less.” And so I made my standards on my own.

I am not going to deny that my standards were so high, that it came to the point I announce them publicly. Just last night I have realized the point why you have to keep your standards high. Here are some few reasons why you, ladies, have to keep it high:

1. First and foremost- You DESERVE THE BEST. Just like the same reminder I mentioned above, “DO NOT EVER SETTLE FOR LESS.”
2. It keeps me on track. Whenever I am on a tempting situation, like you’ll meet some man who is so close to the qualities you’ve listed, I’ll always go back to my journal and be reminded of them.
3. It protects me. It protects me from giving in to something that I don’t deserve and from desperation.

Those were just some of the few reasons why you have to keep your standards high. But don’t let your standards/ qualities be the main focus. Seek God and let Him lead you to the specific qualities you have to pray for. Actually, our standards may change, and eventually God will still bring that someone who can’t meet your standard. He’ll just touch your heart and be prepared for some reason. Just list down the qualities and lay it all down before God. But don’t let it preoccupy you. The most satisfying relationship is still with Jesus, no one else and no other name. Believe me, I know!

Abba Father

“how great is your love for me
that you gave up your son for me
now i am alive and free
father i love you
father i love you

your love made a way for me
into me you see
you love every part of me
father you love me
father you love me

oh, the love of my father
is deeper than any love i know
oh, the grace that he shows me
his love overwhelming
this i know
the love of my father
the love of my father
the love of my father
the love of my father

abba father
your love is never-ending
there’s no other love like yours
in your presence
my heart is overflowing
father i am yours”

This song drives me to worship God. Not only because I love the rhythm and music itself but rather, the lyrics describes the perfect personality of the Almighty God. While listening to this song, I stood up and put my feet to dance. Such an awesome time with the One.

I have resolved to surrender everything to God. That before anything else, He should always be my FIRST. I should always seek His wisdom. Hear His still small voice. Obey what He says. Response like Jesus and most espescially to love even certain circumstances are unloving just like what Jesus did.

Each day has its different story, either fun-filled or blue day. But whatever the situation is, I must always decrease. It is not about me. The glory does not belong to me. Its not about the person who will receive or hear your response. But rather it is for Jesus’ glory. Less of me and more of Him. It is really funny that we get tired of our repititive unresolved problems but what’s funnier is that at the end of it, sorrow turns to joy because we learned that each problems has its own solutions.

What we usually do when we are in trouble we sometimes kneel down,put our hands together, wipe the tears from our eyes, go to some quiet place, scream out loud what’s holding you inside and reflect. These are just some ways how we contemplate our complicated life. Life is pretty boring without challenges. We may get tired but I believe that God won’t give us situations that we cannot handle. He believes in us and He hopes that we also believe in His mighty power.

I am just in awe how He surprisingly meet all of my needs in an inexplicable ways. I just can’t contain the joy He gave me. This joy is just really an overflow of His everlasting love for me. And I am forever grateful for His grace and trusting me with His treasures here on earth. ❤️

True that it is all about Jesus. My desire for this year not only to have a deeper relationship with Jesus but also respond with love and peace just like Jesus. 💕

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. “John 14:27

“to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; “Isaiah 61:2

“and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. “Ephesians 2:16

thoughts 104

I just turned 24 recently last May 19, 2014. Nothing new happened nor anything surprising. Same like ordinary day came by on my birthday. Though there were some few efforts from my loved ones like a sliced cheesecake with candle lit up on my last minute of my birthday which I absolutely appreciate and of course a birthday song. I also received birthday greetings from my friends through texts, personal, and facebooks. I absolutely appreciate my dearest friends who put up an effort just to greet me and letters really close to my heart.

Anyway, another thoughts running through my mind as of this moment which I’m not sure prepared to share it here. But I’ll just share a few close to that details.

I am still waiting. Either I’m waiting productively or unproductively. Am I just wasting my time on something not really coming or am I just passionately taking risk for the sake of “love”? A lot of questions, doubts, hesitations and confusions are going on to my mind. I asked myself if I’m still taking the right path. Is this really what I want? Is this really for me? Am I just going to endure all this without getting in return? Does this deserve all my efforts and time? Is this the time to say goodbye? Many, many interrogative remarks were running through my mind.

I believe the only reason why I choose to persevere because of “love”. But what I’m not sure of if this is still “passion”. Different meaning but something in common= time and effort. We love with effort and time. We passionately do things with TIME and EFFORT. We don’t love without passion, we don’t have passion if we do not love. Physically and emotionally I give time and effort but bodies and minds have its limits. We get tired, exhausted, pressured and burned-out.

I’m tired, exhausted, pressured and burned-out. Yes, physically and emotionally burned-out. Whenever I’m at work, Recently, I’m starting to ask myself “Do I really deserve this? Do I really have to wait more than a year to get promoted? Till when shall I wait?”. More than the career, as the eldest, there were a lot of frustrations and pressures. The desire of helping my parents, supporting my siblings and helping financially to the needs of my parents.

In spite of all those issues and insecurities, I’ve resolved ’em whenever I refocus my goals to JESUS. Spiritually speaking, yes, I’m grounded on my TRUE foundation and I will never be shaken. His love allows me to see this. . . .

Isaiah 40:29-31
“29 He gives strength to those who are tired; to the ones who lack power, he gives renewed energy.
30 Even youths get tired and weary; even strong young men clumsily stumble.
31 But those who wait for the Lord ‘s help find renewed strength; they rise up as if they had eagles’ wings, they run without growing weary, they walk without getting tired.”

Romans 8:28
28 And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose,

mahirap but I believe everything happens for a reason. I just need to inspire myself and continue to focus my goal to JESUS. I know that in time, I’ll take the risk of getting out from my “comfort-zone”. And I believe it is sooner.

Dating in a Cafè

Quality time is one of my love language. I love talking, listening, and do creative things with people I dearly care. Cafè is one of my favorite spot catching up with my friends. Why? Here are my few of the many reasons.

1. Cafè has a good ambiance (well, most of them).
2. They play classic jazz music or if not the latest good-to-ears songs.
3. Free wifi.
4. Light meals and drinks.
5. Employees are very approachable.

I’m not saying every Cafe has the same criteria but most of the time its the first place in the minds of particular people: business people, students, singles, couples, children, family or even the old people. Why? Maybe because of same reason I mentioned above. Not only the good quality of the food but also it provides good environment. Even it takes you a long time of stay , employees will assist and accommodate your needs.

Good place to have a date also. Because of the environment, if your not fond of walking (which I also love) you can stay with each other even talking with nonsense topics repeatedly. But of course in a cafè, it only gives us a temporary relaxing solitude moment. Whenever we feel like things get out of control at work or home, you go to a place where you wanted to relax and vent all the strained thoughts of dirt and anger. So that’s it. Oh by the way, Starbucks is still one of my favorite hangout place of dating people close to my heart. 🙂

How I keep my feelings secretly?

I won’t deny that I like someone. He got my “kiliti” even at first I badly hate him. Though he doesn’t know because this kind of feeling is just an appreciation of his gentleman, caring and humorous characteristics. So you might be curious how I keep it so pure and light secretly?

There are at least 5 reasons why I keep it so light and secret…

1. I have no reason to show it at all.
– My admiration is just temporary, it may boost for a moment or none at all.

2. I’m a lady and its a risk if I show it how much I admire him.
– Ladies don’t tell their feelings unless a man stated his own feelings for her.

3. Its just a crush, not a big deal
– a crush. A token of appreciation for someone who can make you smile.

4. I get “kilig” inside my room.
– I share my feelings through writing and reminisces the time spent with him.

5. I don’t share it to someone even to my closest friend.
– Even your closest friends can ruin the natural companionship with the guy by teasing you. So I’d rather not share it to anyone.

That’s it! 5 reasons…. 🙂

So you might also ask me what are my major turn on for a guy…

1. First, this might sound religous thing but this is just for me… Its a major turn on if the man I like has a relationship with God not merely attending church service but gets an intimate conversation with Abba.

2. More than that he should have sense of humour by not bashing me. He still knows how to be gentle and careful with his words.

3. He knows how to lead. He’s a leader. One who can keep kids quiet and listen to him.

4. Someone who wants to spends time. I love quality time and stories that will not bore me.

5. I love gifts, any kinds of gifts I treasure them. A generous man is one of the characteristics that can make me smile.

Some of my major turn ons for a guy!

Love me for who I am

Staying fit with someone who loves to eat is one of the most difficult challenge you could have. I have lots of friends who loves to eat and laughs at you whenever they know you’re on a diet. Friend indeed they say. As I challenge myself to stay fit starting tomorrow, I still want to stick to my convictions and perceptions in life. “Love yourself” is one of the common sayings and facts in order to stay fit. I love myself that comes to the point of bulging into any kind of food as long as it seems delicious. And the no guilt-free experience starts to creep in to regrets that should’ve been exercise rather than calorie gained experience. I love myself that I don’t want to feel and encounter those kinds of calories gained experiences.

As I continue to observe men, I would totally agree that they are indeed visual. They like model-like body features. Even as a lady, I admire those models that stays fit and fabulously lean. But what I just can’t accept coming from a man is that he would not like me for being ME. You see, my body structure is some like heavy bottom, curvy yet still beautiful (Confident!!). Hearing those compliments and comments from men rings my bell that says “I will not make an effort just for you to like me…. and fit in to your standard! Love me for who I am”. Those were the words that encourages me to focus on the motive of exercising – loving myself. My body is not mine, and I’m not getting younger. I should take care of my body, as a gift from Above, As a steward I should know how to control my eating habits and to enjoy food as well.

Love me for who I am not by what you want to see. I don’t want to be selfish through that statement mentioned earlier but its absurd as a woman who wants to fit in to that criteria that will never make it. In the end I know that someone will love me for who I am and will not push me to do things that I don’t want to do. I believe that someone will encourage me with his gentle words of motivation, I believe that someone out there will everyday say I am beautiful no matter what is my vital statistics. I believe that more than desires actions should still follow.