Better not Bitter

It’s funny how men have contributed heartbreaks in my existence. They have unconsciously and consciously intended breaking my innermost being pieces by pieces. However, what is more funnier is that, all of them, whether my brother, friends, former lovers, have already been forgotten and forgiven from what they did. It was a process! Of course! It has never been easy. To get heart broken by “men” is hilariously shame excuse but we all have reasons.

I’m sharing my recent relationship with a man whom I interacted with for over 3 months and left without any explanation. Note that I cannot share the name of the person for a reason of protection. 

Whenever I try to look at our conversation, I can’t help but think how it ended mysteriously, brings me to the point of sadness. Anyway, we meet people every chapter of our lives either they stay or just be “part” of it. Nonetheless, whoever comes to our lives have imprinted in our hearts.

I do not know why he chose to disappear but it brought me to lowest point of my life and asked how was I doing? looked at myself in any angle, made mistake and somehow it was my fault. I cannot blame him for leaving me hanging since I do not have the right or wala akong papel sa buhay niya. It somehow made me feel unworthy and lonely. I had my self pity days the moment it happened. I blame myself everyday. I even looked at myself undeserving of the “best” of what they were trying to tell me. Then this hit me. 

Maybe, I was too lonely, hurting, what I thought is mine, is not yet the best from God. Maybe, since I was emotionally incapable, I grab what’s in front of me. Scared to lose what’s making me happy -therefore, I settle for less. Then it hit me, like my friend used to say who is now in heaven, 

“DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS because You deserve THE BEST”.

The best. How? When everytime I step out, I fail? How can I deserve the best if all I think what is good will put me at the edge of the cliff? Leaving me hanging? Departing without any explanation? Mysteriously gone? Sad. Reality.  

I move forward with unanswered queries in my heart. Leaving it all just like what he did. (Mukhang forte niya yun 😅) I realized I do not need his explanation since he didn’t even try to reach out. I won’t look after him looking desperate and ask his explanation. Praying God would open the heavens for him and touch his heart and let him act like a “man”. But, just like any other woman, it would be better to hear him out lalo na may pinagsamahan naman kami. But if he is really decided to leave it that way, then let it be. Somehow I look at it for our own good. I think it’s for the best though. Kaya hinayaan ko nalang din. Kasi mukhang masaya naman narin siya. But I can’t help and think that I missed him everyday. ANYWAY!!! Haha. Enough with the drama. 

Going back, I was reminded by my few accountability friends of my “worth”. I stopped thinking on how I could get in touch with him or get an answer of my “why’s” because I remember that my worth does not come from men. And so,tumayo ulit ako, pinilit kong ibangon sarili ko sa miserableng nakaraan at patuloy paalalahanin ng halaga ko hindi sa mata ng mga tao kundi sa mata ng Maykapal.

I’m not walking this life with all the hatred in my heart just because some men chose to break it. I choose to forgive. And when I say, F O R G I V E, meaning, freedom from past, bitterness, hatred and anger towards the person including the things they did. WHOLEHEARTED. Yes, it’ll cringe a little when we see  the people who have hurt us but peace transcends. Through that it makes you a better person. Relearning isn’t bad, it will make you ask some unwanted questions but life is a battle and learning is part of it. Choose not to give up! Choose to forgive! Choose to be a better version of yourself! 

So whenever men would try to disturb or distract you, try to look back, No! Do not look back! Remember that you are now a redeemed person who has learned from the past but NEVER GOING BACK. 

You are the daughter of the Most High and your value does not come on earth. Remember that no matter how messy and ugly your past can be He binds with us. He accepts us for who we are. How about you? Have you accepted yourself and free yourself from hatred in the past? Freedom comes from forgiving ourselves. 

Feel free to share. 

Prayer Mountain 2018

Interestingly, few people have been asking me about the captured photos I posted in Instagram and Facebook during my overnight stay in Touch Of Glory Prayer Mountain, Antipolo. You have to read the whole blog, so I could give you the right track. 😅

Warning: some of the lines are “hugot” just for the sake of entertainment. 😅 It has nothing to do with my personal situation. Well, Sort of. Pero parang ganon narin. HAHA

So let’s start this by saying, it was a surreal experience! Hindi nagpahuli si Lord. This was my second time around going there by commute lang- alone. So, kung nag momove on ka or you want a quiet place, this is one of the many places you can consider to go to, kahit magisa ka lang. 

Baka maisip mo lang tanungin, how on earth did I capture that? Besh, T-I-M-E-R.

First, you have to check your heart. What is the purpose? So before you jump to any conclusions. Let me share some of my reasons.

1. Yes, I’m trying to clear my mind from stuff that I CANNOT BEAR WITH ANYMORE.

2. Yes, I’m trying to move on kahit walang dapat ika-move on. I mean, I need to move forward, para hindi ako mag stuck (SAKLAP, dba?)

3. I wanted to go there kasi accessible and convenient for me. I thought it won’t be difficult

4. I wanted to go back on track. To go back to the HEART OF WORSHIP. Soak in His presence. 

5. I have time to think. Re-think. Consider some things. Reasses my heart. 

Those are “some” personal reasons. Malalim yung hugot ko. I still have questions in my mind but I’d rather not dwell on them. Month of April has been heavy for me. I still wish it’s April Fools. Sa dami ng nangyari, I can attest that God is good. I didn’t end my stay there without hearing from the Lord. He boldly impressed to me that no matter how many times we fail, He won’t make you feel that “you are a failure” or “you failed Me again”. When I was about to leave, humabol pa si Lord ng yakap. Because of all the things that I’ve done, I face Him with unworthiness and wrecked heart, yet He would still choose to say “I have loved you with an Everlasting love…” Sarap. 

It was a heart melting experience. You know what? I was and still ready to accept the consequence. Then I was reminded by the prophecy which happened last March 7. As He reminded me of the love and the things He is about to do. I was speechless! And I sobbingly said, “I’m so sorry, Lord.” It took me a while to calm myself because at that moment it was overwhelmingly unbelievable. He assured me that NO MATTER how many times I fall, stumble, break, or even try to return to my past, HE WOULD STILL CHOOSE TO ACCEPT me and will not give up on me. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam di ba? And I prayed that I will be released from these things with the guidance of the Holy Spirit as I set my heart and mind at rest.

So the question remains. Was I able to find satisfaction with my overnight stay?

Of course I have. It’s between me and God. Actually, place has nothing to do because what I did, can do it alone at home naman din talaga. Parang you’ll find yourself wanting to detach from the world’s complexity. Far from your territory. Finally, I found myself wrapped and embraced in God’s arms. To be honest, I still have “what if’s”, I still have fears and hesitations but Deuteronomy 3:22. 

You shall not fear them, for it is the LORD your God who fights for you.’ – Deuteronomy 3:22

Change will always be a process, not instant. I trust God that by His grace, I can overcome these. So, umalis ako with a thankful heart. 

So eto na nga. Going from South, umpisahan natin sa Pacita. Kailangan may umpisa, each story has its beginning, saklap nga lang kung ending agad 😅

Pacita ➡️ Bus Terminal ➡️ ride Cubao, they must drop you off to Farmers Plaza (pero ‘wag ka papayag ng idrop ka ng basta basta. Sabihan mo silang, “sabihin” nila😅) it will cost you 75 php ➡️ malapit sa Gateway/Lrt/Jollibee, may dumadaan na Cogeo jeepneys, let them drop you to Cogeo Market (medyo malayo ‘toh. Pero may mararating ka dito. Sure ako! Sakanya ba? May pinatunguhan ba? 😂) 21 php ata. ➡️ Pagbaba mo, ‘wag ka tatawid sa intersection, BABALA: Nakamamatay so sa tamang tawiran tayo mga Besh. May footbridge, dun ka tumawid. As you step your last step from the bridge, you’ll see men shouting “PAENAAN”, ayan sila kuya pinagsisigawan yung gusto nila, eh si Kuya mo ba? 😂😅 going back. 24 php yung pagpunta dun. Pwesto ka sa magandang pwesto sa jeep,Para makapagmuni muni ka. Pagisipan mo mga ginagawa mo. 😅 ➡️ tell the driver to drop you gently and nicely to Touch Of Glory Prayer Mountain, you don’t need to ride tricycle! Teh, kinaya mo na nga yung masaklap ninyong relasyon ng ilang taon eh. yung less than 5minutes walk pa ba?! 

Note: avoid wearing shorts. Bring pants/leggings. Shorts are prohibited.

P. S. Leaving is easy from TOGM to Cogeo Market. But you have to endure the heat and waiting game for Cubao jeepneys. I’m not sure if dahil weekday ako nagpunta? Kasi anghirap ng sakayan. Sapalaran. Parang pagibi. Haha. But kidding aside, traffic was no joke at all! Yun lang. pero rest assured, makakauwi ka ng maayos. Hehe. 
Here are the updated room rates inclusive the food:

Must try:

Prayer Garden (First time ko dito. And I found my spot)

It looks dry because summer nga naman kasi hehe

You can also trek a little.

Hanapin mo ‘toh. Makikita mo kapag hinanap mo!

And as I end this, I hope it helped you somehow and encouraged you to be involve with God in every area of your life. It is my prayer that whatever you are going through right now, you’ll find security, peace and joy in Christ alone, whereever you are. Don’t give up. Kung kinaya ko at dinideal ko parin, kayang kaya mo din yan! Cheer up! ❤

In all the noise in the world, wherever you may be, in God’s loving arms, we’ll find rest. 

Hanggang sa muli

May “tayo” kahapon, Sa aking pagmulat, “ako” na lang ngayon,  Sa mga araw na nakalipas, Umasang ika’y magbabalik,

Puso hinayaan isara, Nasaktan at binalewala, Akala’y katapusan, Ngunit pagasa ay nariyan,

Maraming katanungan, subalit napagtanto sagot ay hindi daan sa kapayapaan,
Muling binuksan ang pusong namamayapa,Para sa ngalan ng pagibig, Minahal ang sarili,

Hindi inakala na darating ang araw,Sapagkat bawat gabi sigaw ng puso, luha lamang ang katahimikan,
Pusong napagod, muling bumangon, Mula sa pinanggalingan, hindi nalimutan,
Sa pagtanggap, nakapagpatawad. Sa pagpapatawad, alalay ang kapayapaan.

Salamat sa muling pagayon sa aking puso, salamat sa aking pagpulot mula sa kapahamakan, salamat sa pagakay sa mabigat na pinagdaanan…

Hindi Mo ko iniwan, puso Mong tapat ang nagbigay liwanag, sa aking madilim na nakaraan,

masalimuot na nakaraan ay tinapos man, sa aking pagbangon, bagong kwento ang inaasam.

Kung kahapon ay ibabalik, buong pagkatao mo’y aking buong pusong tatanggapin,
kung hindi man pinalad, masaya kong tatahakin ang tadhanang inilaan, Hanggang sa muli

#sunset #poet #art #mountain #hike #sillouette #masasabeach #gulugodbaboy #poem #love #vscocam #photo #picture #tagalog #literary #feature #beach #philippines

thoughts 104

I just turned 24 recently last May 19, 2014. Nothing new happened nor anything surprising. Same like ordinary day came by on my birthday. Though there were some few efforts from my loved ones like a sliced cheesecake with candle lit up on my last minute of my birthday which I absolutely appreciate and of course a birthday song. I also received birthday greetings from my friends through texts, personal, and facebooks. I absolutely appreciate my dearest friends who put up an effort just to greet me and letters really close to my heart.

Anyway, another thoughts running through my mind as of this moment which I’m not sure prepared to share it here. But I’ll just share a few close to that details.

I am still waiting. Either I’m waiting productively or unproductively. Am I just wasting my time on something not really coming or am I just passionately taking risk for the sake of “love”? A lot of questions, doubts, hesitations and confusions are going on to my mind. I asked myself if I’m still taking the right path. Is this really what I want? Is this really for me? Am I just going to endure all this without getting in return? Does this deserve all my efforts and time? Is this the time to say goodbye? Many, many interrogative remarks were running through my mind.

I believe the only reason why I choose to persevere because of “love”. But what I’m not sure of if this is still “passion”. Different meaning but something in common= time and effort. We love with effort and time. We passionately do things with TIME and EFFORT. We don’t love without passion, we don’t have passion if we do not love. Physically and emotionally I give time and effort but bodies and minds have its limits. We get tired, exhausted, pressured and burned-out.

I’m tired, exhausted, pressured and burned-out. Yes, physically and emotionally burned-out. Whenever I’m at work, Recently, I’m starting to ask myself “Do I really deserve this? Do I really have to wait more than a year to get promoted? Till when shall I wait?”. More than the career, as the eldest, there were a lot of frustrations and pressures. The desire of helping my parents, supporting my siblings and helping financially to the needs of my parents.

In spite of all those issues and insecurities, I’ve resolved ’em whenever I refocus my goals to JESUS. Spiritually speaking, yes, I’m grounded on my TRUE foundation and I will never be shaken. His love allows me to see this. . . .

Isaiah 40:29-31
“29 He gives strength to those who are tired; to the ones who lack power, he gives renewed energy.
30 Even youths get tired and weary; even strong young men clumsily stumble.
31 But those who wait for the Lord ‘s help find renewed strength; they rise up as if they had eagles’ wings, they run without growing weary, they walk without getting tired.”

Romans 8:28
28 And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose,

mahirap but I believe everything happens for a reason. I just need to inspire myself and continue to focus my goal to JESUS. I know that in time, I’ll take the risk of getting out from my “comfort-zone”. And I believe it is sooner.

La Virginia Resort, Batangas

2014 san Pedro Doctor’s Hospital Anniversary held at La Virginia’s Resort, Batangas from May 6-7, 2014
Glad that the employed staff invited us (volunteers) to enjoy the companionship of our Seniors and Junior staff. Here’s my 10 notes regarding my experience 🙂

1. We arrived at La Virginia at most probably around 9:30am? I’m not sure but it was a bit early. We fixed our things, looked for our beds space. Retouched.

2. As we arrive to the place, the place was really like under the mountain. The road was on its peak and very high, difficult to walk up, but the view was really a speechless moment for me. I was so excited. I’d rather go to the beach than go to the pool (my mind says). As I went down from the van, I even had deep craving for white-sand beaches…

3. Of course before eating, our senior staffs gave us time to enjoy the sight and spend time productively with workmates. Picture here, picture there. NONSTOP!

4. There were so many places to go, because the resort is so big! First spot is the Gorilla. Amazing Sculpture, inspired by the movie King Kong I suppose?

5. We also went to the small hanging bridge, scared each other from falling. But it did not stop us from taking pictures.

6. Solo pictures became group pictures, not one matinong solo picture given…

7. There’s also a Huge Buddha. The rad tech took picture next to small buddha because he looks just the same with them.

8. A castle built near the entrance, very cute, we didn’t go inside but the place is sure! there’s also an imitated white sand beach with fake helicopters under water. Plus the famous super heroes of this generation. I took photo with Captain America, since there’s no Superman, in substitute.

9. Swam our hearts out. Ate delicious foods. Played games. Had so much fun with great awesome workmates!

10. More than the delicious foods, beautiful place, competitive games, what even made me happy was being with awesome people who are willing to be part of my life.

We work professionally, but beyond work, there’s a strong bond within us. I am thankful to be part of this family. And thank You Lord for this blessing and experience! 🙂 I know that this is part of Your plans. You know me that much that You give the desires of my heart. 🙂 #thankful and #grateful 🙂

Dating in a Cafè

Quality time is one of my love language. I love talking, listening, and do creative things with people I dearly care. Cafè is one of my favorite spot catching up with my friends. Why? Here are my few of the many reasons.

1. Cafè has a good ambiance (well, most of them).
2. They play classic jazz music or if not the latest good-to-ears songs.
3. Free wifi.
4. Light meals and drinks.
5. Employees are very approachable.

I’m not saying every Cafe has the same criteria but most of the time its the first place in the minds of particular people: business people, students, singles, couples, children, family or even the old people. Why? Maybe because of same reason I mentioned above. Not only the good quality of the food but also it provides good environment. Even it takes you a long time of stay , employees will assist and accommodate your needs.

Good place to have a date also. Because of the environment, if your not fond of walking (which I also love) you can stay with each other even talking with nonsense topics repeatedly. But of course in a cafè, it only gives us a temporary relaxing solitude moment. Whenever we feel like things get out of control at work or home, you go to a place where you wanted to relax and vent all the strained thoughts of dirt and anger. So that’s it. Oh by the way, Starbucks is still one of my favorite hangout place of dating people close to my heart. 🙂

In loving memory of our Ortho Doctor

In my 10 months of stay in San Pedro Doctor’s Hospital, doctor Musngi has been noisy, cranky, and fun to be with. He is one of the makulit and maingay, to patients and to us as well. He entertains his patients, kahit paulit ulit ang tanong niya, he tries his best to read the chart using the negatoscope light, he takes a nap while waiting for a non-HMO patient, and he texts even during E.R is toxic, and he stays calm even the crowd is panicking.

I would like to share his 10 most unforgettable traits:

1. He never forgets to smile whenever he gets in to E.R
2. He is a generous doctor even his pockets says no.
3. To some, his “green” jokes are lessons to learn.
4. He gives us a lifetime lessons.
5. He teases us in our own personalities.
6. Every girl is beautiful in his eyes. (kahit sarcasm)
7. He is too supportive with what’s in you. (he even supports your business)
8. He’s a father and brother to all. (a listener and a talker)
9. Ramdam mo yung “bad words” pag naiinis siya
10. He is proud to share whatever makes him happy. (kahit ano pa yan, proud yan!)

I may not have known him for a long time but his stay during clinic hours speaks who he is. He’s like a father to all of us. He reminds us how life is, education, practicality and perseverance despite of being alone and zero-in-pocket. That’s why when my headnurse told me the sudden bad news, I was shaking, nervous, and scared. All his alive memories flashed back immediately. I paused for minute, inhaled deeply and exhaled forcely. A sudden lost of someone close to our heart is heartbreaking but his memory remains alive in us.

Everything is temporary, you only have one life to live so make the most out of it. God has His perfect plans in each of us, we may not understand it how and why, but surely God has His own ways of explanation in the right time. I know that everything happens for a reason.

So long Dr. Musngi, I know you are in the good hands of our Heavenly Father. thank you for the laughter and for being our “eldest” doctor. We will miss you.

Southwoods Unihealth …..

As of today, I’m here at Mcdonalds southwoods. I came from Southwoods Unihealth to pass my edited resume. Before I went there, I was so dread nervous. I am wearing a corporate attire just in case of on the spot interview. The hospital is still on going construction with men workers. I haven’t seen one lady or any woman inside the construction site. I was assisted by gentlemen security guards (I suppose they should because its part of their job). The security guard assisted me all the way up to the third floor, instructing the workers to stop as I walk towards their way. Actually the building is not yet fixed but I guess they are almost half way finish. When I got to the room where I should pass my resume, the security guard wished me luck (Oh by thew ay, even the tricycle driver wished me luck as I rode off his vehicle). So I passed my papers to the so-called Mr. Alvin, and had a relief when I handled it to him. Asked him when they are going to start and if they have applicants already. He said yes and maybe late in June is their target.

Last year, as I see that building build it was already included of my prayer. I see it as my future hospital experience but not as a volunteer nurse rather as Staff Nurse in a special area. Every time I go home, when I was at the backride in tricycle, I was already praying for that hospital whispering these positive and full of faith words as I point and look to the not-yet finish building ” I’ll be one of your E.R staff nurse or a Staff nurse!”. I was asking it to God since last year, praying for a tertiary hospital and get employed this time.

Nothing is impossible to God who has given us these blessings. He knows where we are going to use our gifts for His glory. I just can’t believe that every time I whine and complain at my work, I still can’t give up this job, like what Sharon said on her movie Caregiver “I care about my job, I care about you, Sir”. I wholeheartedly care about my job even it takes no salary or just “thank you” in return.

It takes trust, hope, perseverance and faith to get to the place you’ve dreamed of. Love leads us to stir the unwavering passion to push hard and live the different circumstances. Experience teaches us to do better and help us throughout consequences.

Fears won’t stop me from pursuing and chasing my dreams. By the help of my greatest Backer in life, God, will surely make all things possible. He will surely be true to His promises.

I know….

I know Love, you have been waiting for me as well.
Do not fret even we’re surrounded with couples.
So stay strong and patient so you won’t be in a hurry.
I know deep inside your heart you are as excited to meet me.
Do not be in a hurry that you might fall to sin.
Stay grounded and firm with your foundation.
I know that you are praying for me earnestly.
I believe that your sweet prayers are one of the reasons why I’m still blogging this.
I am sure that all your desires are heard from above.

In faith and trust, our most-awaited story will surely something worth to share.
Just wait my Dear, God has something for both of us, let’s just trust His perfect time.

WAIT, my Love WAIT…….. He’ll soon show us the guide

pray continuously

Let’s just continue to trust and be in faith everyday 🙂

Let’s continue to put our trust, faith and security to the Creator and Author of our lives.

SOON

My productive day

I was scheduled for passport renewal today and last night I prepared all my documents. I was so excited for the day to come. This I’ve been waiting for! Renewal of passport…

So I’m gonna share to you my productive day while maximizing my time with good people.

First, I have to wake up at 6:30 am to prepare myself, I had to wear suitable attire since I’m going to a government office. I haven’t printed my application form yet that time so I had to go to computer shop to print it. Then I was estimating my time left if I still have enough time to get my NBI clearance. So I rode Muntinlupa jeep to drop me by near the NBI place yet when I saw the releasing line was so long I changed my mind not to get it today. Unfortunately, when I was too agitated to ride a bus going to Megamall, the bus was still waiting for passengers to fill the empty chairs, another 15 minutes of waiting. Then after that long 15 minutes of waiting, I’ve decided to ride MRT instead of bus since I only have 30 minutes left to be exact with my appointed schedule time. When I got there, at first I didn’t recognize where the mall was so I started asking directions, when I got to the NOT MAIN ENTRANCE, there was a long line waiting for opening – JOB FAIR event. So I asked again and looked for another entrance, and finally I got to an entrance where there was no line, sadly, they were still waiting for the 10:00am opening time. I was already anxious that time because I was 5 minutes late. When they opened it I hurriedly went to elevator and saw the Department of Foreign Affairs! I sighed and felt grateful that time. I realized that they were not strict but 30 minutes before your appointed time I guess is really important, my real schedule is 10:30 am so I have to be there by 10:00am.

So here’s a peek of the DFA Megamall.

first, you have to present your application form to the security guard then present it to whoever is in charge scanning the form. Then get a number, choose your purpose, whether RENEWAL PASSPORT, New Applicants or etc.

Second you have to sit and wait for your number to be call,

Third, while waiting prepare all your requirements. They are very good entertainers. There’s this guy announcing very graciously what we have and needed to do.

Fourth, you have to hold on to the number you took from the machine because it will serve as your number till the end of the process. Then after the payment, they will encode your detailed information and take a picture of you. Very accessible isn’t it? Even though there were some problems at first I was still entertained.

Fifth, if you request an express process of your passport, you have to prepare P120 for delivery at COURIER, and it will be delivered after the day released. And there you have it! Well done, Megamall DFA!

Well, my productive day didn’t end up there. Since it was again my first time to visit Megamall, last time it was still a Megamall, now it has extension and too big to mention! Since I was already there, I had to enjoy sight-seeing and window shopping. At around 11:30am, first thing came to my mind was CUPCAKES! :)) I have to look for cupcakes… Something new and refined! 🙂 But before that, I saw this intriguing stall of flowers, not artificial nor real flowers but EDIBLE flowers, they have free taste and it looks not tasty because of its cute little rose design (laughs). It tastes PASTILLAS (I don’t know its english but it’s made of powdered milk and condensed milk)

After that, I was amazed to see a very beautiful, girly, pinkish, creative stall with cupcakes on its glass table with a very cute sales lady wearing its pink apron. I was so intrigued with its taste and the owner, without hesitation I asked when they started and if they have contacts, actually the lady there initiative gave their calling card, maybe she saw in my eyes how interested I am when I asked if they have baking lessons. I tried their two best seller cupcakes, according to the lady, the Buttercup and the Apple Pie, I love the APPLE PIE! Delicious indeed! 🙂 Buttercup? So-so only 🙂 So here’s the picture of their stall at Megamall 2F Building B..

After appetizer I ate lunch at PAOTSIN, haha! Cost cutting for the last minute 🙂 I chose Shark’s fin…

Done at Megamall. Right after off to Alabang to talk to my leader, Doc Becca, got some full of sense advises 🙂 I thank God for her life. Then DISCIPLESHIP time with one of my prettiest member, Isabel 🙂

All in all, I thank God for this wonderful day! To God be the glory… So close to my dreams… and its all because of You, Abba!