I didn’t get to blow my birthday cake

Turning 27 this year is just surreal. I can’t believe I’m already that old. It seems my age stops at 25. Anyway, my birthdays has never been extraordinary. It was just the same ordinary usual day for me. Life can be pretty complicated but I’ll end this blog with a redeemable events of story.

A part of me just felt excitement when I was waiting for 12 midnight. “I am turning 27!!!!” I said excitedly. I don’t know why. So, of course before I got to sleep, I whispered a little short prayer to God, “Thank You, Lord.”

My family greeted me with a simple “Happy birthday” and I responded with a “Thank you”. It is enough for me. But this time, I didn’t get to blow my candle because we didn’t celebrate it. I had a very busy duty at the hospital, overtime for two hours. It rained so heavily. Glad that my brother was near that place I get to go home at least. A simple dinner with siblings at Uncle Moe’s and a dessert at Lawson. Glad to spend it with them. To be honest, I am financially broke. As much as I wanted to celebrate my birthday with few true people in my life, MONEY HAS BEEN AN ISSUE. But I still have few here in my wallet so I had to treat my siblings at least.

Well, the highlight of the night, I received a call from my Dad. Where we did not have any communications ever since some unexpected events arose since this year started. But I really thank God from letting me hear his voice and letting me know that my father still cares for us.

I may not have blow a candle on my birthday but the glimpse of disguised blessings where my family can be save from unruly heartbreaks is enough for me to know that I still have such treasures.

I thank the Lord for the people He brought into my life. People who chose to stay despite of all the things that happened. True friends who rather accept my flaws than see the aching pretentious smile. Thank You, Lord for anoher year. I am expectant and excited to what lies ahead of me.

If only you’re here now

I could think a lot of reason why your presence isn’t beside me. I can understand the “why’s” and “because’s” of fate in the midst of our most awaited “forever”. Maybe, just maybe, I can’t be ready this time. Or maybe, you cannot grasp the huge responsibility in a commitment. 

Commitment. I could sigh all the time and express through my breath the desperation to be in a relationship. Though I am caught in between the wanting and the thought to be in that position. 

Let us take this moment and set apart the thought of us not being together. And let me just take this instant to write a momentary letter to the future spouse.

If only you’re here, I would express how grateful I am to have you here by my side. If only you’re here, I would express my love to you and tell you each day how much I’ve missed you during your working hours. If only you’re here, I would like to embrace you as strong as I can be. If only you’re here, I would tell you each day, how proud I am to be yours. If only you’re here, I will do my best waking up in the morning, prepare your coffee and breakfast. If only you’re here, I would love to pray with you wherever we are.  If only you are here. Yet, time can only tell how our story unfolds. And I trust the One who holds the clock. I trust the One who holds the pen of our book because nothing goes wrong when everything is surrendered in His care.

I can be selfish at this period of time but believe that I am patiently waiting and praying for you. These words may have been redundant to a single woman like me but these are true. Eventually, it is about trusting the One who is in control of our lives. So long, my Love. 

This ends my letter to someone I haven’t met but Loved for so long. I hope when the time is right I’ll be able to show this.