Painful but rewarding

It’s been three days since I decided to go out from social media specifically Facebook. Ang daming tumatakbo sa isipan ko for the past weeks. Sometimes I can’t sleep because of too many things running through my mind. Pumapasok ako sa trabaho minsan tulala at minsan nagiisip while doing my task. But within that three days, I grabbed it as an opportunity to talk and ask God’s revelation sa pinagdadaanan ko. I didn’t force my will to happen, I carefully waited and enjoyed the moments with the Lord. I thank God for being faithful and not leaving me in my craziest and wildest moments of my life. True that He never leaves nor forsake His children (Hebrews 13:5)

Within that span of three days or two and half days, no one knows my situation. Nobody dared to ask me how I was. I didn’t open up to people because I thought I might just give them additional burden. I waited patiently. Until first night, I cried it out loud to God, I was weeping and mourning. But He continuously assured me that I am loved by the most high. He designed me just as He desired it. Couldn’t let go of the pain I was going through. People close to my heart were all (at that time when I needed the most) busy but thankful because it helped me go to God. Sometimes we usually go to people to express our feelings knowingly someone better is waiting for us to share our deepest hurts and cries of our hearts.

Every night before I go to sleep wishing something miracle could happen, It just ended up a disappointment. Instead of doing the usual things, For the second time, I let it all out to God. I let Him move and listen to what He wants me to hear. After that evening, medyo nabawasan na yung bigat na nararamdaman ko. Nung nabawasan na, naisipan ko ng to share it with a friend and thankful she was available. And while spending time with her, something unexpected happen that made me smile for that day. Praising God with all my might to put back smile on my face. I thought its the end but God made me realize a lot of things. But of course the doubts and bitterness (honestly speaking) nandun parin yun, hindi naman agad agad mawawala kasi ang daming tanong na tumatakbo sa isipan ko kahit pa nangyari yung isang bagay na nakapagpangiti sakin. I’ve resolved to entrust everything to God because He knows best.

I learned the hard way. Painful but rewarding. I learned to appreciate the smallest and simplest things here on earth. I learned to wait patiently. I learned to avoid expectations and demands. I learned that communication and goals in life are still very important. Since I am a princess of God therefore I deserve the best. I learned that I should not be treated undeservingly. Ang dami kong narealize. And one more thing that made my three days out from social media is I learned to cling more to God even in the most difficult and painful part of my life. His grace indeed abounds to His children.

And God is able to make all grace overflow to you so that because you have enough of everything in every way at all times, you will overflow in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

It is all about trust

I grew up earning people’s trust. Not because I did something wrong. Maybe because my mind is preoccupied by my assumptions. Which technically, shouldn’t be that way. I grew up becoming a worrier from health issues down to finances. As a graduate in a medical field with enough knowledge, with just simple cough and colds, Sometimes I over react and assumed that it may go to tuberculosis! Hilarious isn’t it? (But tell me nurses, you were also that O.A) Anyway this blog will go about how I overcome from being a worrier.

I learned the hard way. Honestly, it wasn’t the most exciting lesson. But my character and personality was build. Trust means letting go and waiting. It takes a lot of patience to earn their trust. It took me years to let them trust me or trust them. I didn’t force them anymore. I did my part and I stopped.

I love my family most especially my siblings. I’ve been their guardian for more than five years since my parents work abroad. I’ve witnessed their growth, their ups and downs, their issues in life and their health concerns. When my siblings get sick, I really get panic or anxious! Literally get crazy! Then Here comes the financial problems, since I was just a student back then, I don’t know where to get instant money. I don’t know how to pay the bills back then. And all of that has been running through my mind. I know you all know that problems or conflicts are really part of life.

My story doesn’t end there. The trust issues begins when the conflict rises. I prayed so hard, I wept and wept till God heard me. I didn’t give up and He doesn’t ignore me. I trusted God from finance to healing. I know that my God saves and provides. It took me years to remove that fears and becoming a worrier. He restored me by assuring me through His word.

“7 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; I do not give it to you as the world does. Do not let your hearts be distressed or lacking in courage” John 14:27

It still took me years to overcome the fears. It wasn’t easy. I lost friends because of my insecurities and misassumptions. But again since I put my trust to God and He has always been my refuge, He saved my relationships.

“And God is able to make all grace overflow to you so that because you have enough of everything in every way at all times, you will overflow in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8

His grace made it all possible for me to earn their trust again and for me to put trust on people. .it wasn’t easy. I was scared on building new relationships but God assured me that He will move and work in their lives. I cannot but He can. Its all up to God if this relationship will stay or not. But God knows my heart’s desire. I know He will not let any enemy destroy my relationships. He holds everything. And even my relationships belongs to Him and I know as much as He loves me, He also loves the people close to my heart. ❤️ I hope that let’s not allow the enemy to rule over our mind and conquer over our thoughts. I hope that this article would be a great help of to whom we should really put our trust and that is in Jesus Christ.