Better not Bitter

It’s funny how men have contributed heartbreaks in my existence. They have unconsciously and consciously intended breaking my innermost being pieces by pieces. However, what is more funnier is that, all of them, whether my brother, friends, former lovers, have already been forgotten and forgiven from what they did. It was a process! Of course! It has never been easy. To get heart broken by “men” is hilariously shame excuse but we all have reasons.

I’m sharing my recent relationship with a man whom I interacted with for over 3 months and left without any explanation. Note that I cannot share the name of the person for a reason of protection. 

Whenever I try to look at our conversation, I can’t help but think how it ended mysteriously, brings me to the point of sadness. Anyway, we meet people every chapter of our lives either they stay or just be “part” of it. Nonetheless, whoever comes to our lives have imprinted in our hearts.

I do not know why he chose to disappear but it brought me to lowest point of my life and asked how was I doing? looked at myself in any angle, made mistake and somehow it was my fault. I cannot blame him for leaving me hanging since I do not have the right or wala akong papel sa buhay niya. It somehow made me feel unworthy and lonely. I had my self pity days the moment it happened. I blame myself everyday. I even looked at myself undeserving of the “best” of what they were trying to tell me. Then this hit me. 

Maybe, I was too lonely, hurting, what I thought is mine, is not yet the best from God. Maybe, since I was emotionally incapable, I grab what’s in front of me. Scared to lose what’s making me happy -therefore, I settle for less. Then it hit me, like my friend used to say who is now in heaven, 

“DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS because You deserve THE BEST”.

The best. How? When everytime I step out, I fail? How can I deserve the best if all I think what is good will put me at the edge of the cliff? Leaving me hanging? Departing without any explanation? Mysteriously gone? Sad. Reality.  

I move forward with unanswered queries in my heart. Leaving it all just like what he did. (Mukhang forte niya yun 😅) I realized I do not need his explanation since he didn’t even try to reach out. I won’t look after him looking desperate and ask his explanation. Praying God would open the heavens for him and touch his heart and let him act like a “man”. But, just like any other woman, it would be better to hear him out lalo na may pinagsamahan naman kami. But if he is really decided to leave it that way, then let it be. Somehow I look at it for our own good. I think it’s for the best though. Kaya hinayaan ko nalang din. Kasi mukhang masaya naman narin siya. But I can’t help and think that I missed him everyday. ANYWAY!!! Haha. Enough with the drama. 

Going back, I was reminded by my few accountability friends of my “worth”. I stopped thinking on how I could get in touch with him or get an answer of my “why’s” because I remember that my worth does not come from men. And so,tumayo ulit ako, pinilit kong ibangon sarili ko sa miserableng nakaraan at patuloy paalalahanin ng halaga ko hindi sa mata ng mga tao kundi sa mata ng Maykapal.

I’m not walking this life with all the hatred in my heart just because some men chose to break it. I choose to forgive. And when I say, F O R G I V E, meaning, freedom from past, bitterness, hatred and anger towards the person including the things they did. WHOLEHEARTED. Yes, it’ll cringe a little when we see  the people who have hurt us but peace transcends. Through that it makes you a better person. Relearning isn’t bad, it will make you ask some unwanted questions but life is a battle and learning is part of it. Choose not to give up! Choose to forgive! Choose to be a better version of yourself! 

So whenever men would try to disturb or distract you, try to look back, No! Do not look back! Remember that you are now a redeemed person who has learned from the past but NEVER GOING BACK. 

You are the daughter of the Most High and your value does not come on earth. Remember that no matter how messy and ugly your past can be He binds with us. He accepts us for who we are. How about you? Have you accepted yourself and free yourself from hatred in the past? Freedom comes from forgiving ourselves. 

Feel free to share. 

Prayer Mountain 2018

Interestingly, few people have been asking me about the captured photos I posted in Instagram and Facebook during my overnight stay in Touch Of Glory Prayer Mountain, Antipolo. You have to read the whole blog, so I could give you the right track. 😅

Warning: some of the lines are “hugot” just for the sake of entertainment. 😅 It has nothing to do with my personal situation. Well, Sort of. Pero parang ganon narin. HAHA

So let’s start this by saying, it was a surreal experience! Hindi nagpahuli si Lord. This was my second time around going there by commute lang- alone. So, kung nag momove on ka or you want a quiet place, this is one of the many places you can consider to go to, kahit magisa ka lang. 

Baka maisip mo lang tanungin, how on earth did I capture that? Besh, T-I-M-E-R.

First, you have to check your heart. What is the purpose? So before you jump to any conclusions. Let me share some of my reasons.

1. Yes, I’m trying to clear my mind from stuff that I CANNOT BEAR WITH ANYMORE.

2. Yes, I’m trying to move on kahit walang dapat ika-move on. I mean, I need to move forward, para hindi ako mag stuck (SAKLAP, dba?)

3. I wanted to go there kasi accessible and convenient for me. I thought it won’t be difficult

4. I wanted to go back on track. To go back to the HEART OF WORSHIP. Soak in His presence. 

5. I have time to think. Re-think. Consider some things. Reasses my heart. 

Those are “some” personal reasons. Malalim yung hugot ko. I still have questions in my mind but I’d rather not dwell on them. Month of April has been heavy for me. I still wish it’s April Fools. Sa dami ng nangyari, I can attest that God is good. I didn’t end my stay there without hearing from the Lord. He boldly impressed to me that no matter how many times we fail, He won’t make you feel that “you are a failure” or “you failed Me again”. When I was about to leave, humabol pa si Lord ng yakap. Because of all the things that I’ve done, I face Him with unworthiness and wrecked heart, yet He would still choose to say “I have loved you with an Everlasting love…” Sarap. 

It was a heart melting experience. You know what? I was and still ready to accept the consequence. Then I was reminded by the prophecy which happened last March 7. As He reminded me of the love and the things He is about to do. I was speechless! And I sobbingly said, “I’m so sorry, Lord.” It took me a while to calm myself because at that moment it was overwhelmingly unbelievable. He assured me that NO MATTER how many times I fall, stumble, break, or even try to return to my past, HE WOULD STILL CHOOSE TO ACCEPT me and will not give up on me. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam di ba? And I prayed that I will be released from these things with the guidance of the Holy Spirit as I set my heart and mind at rest.

So the question remains. Was I able to find satisfaction with my overnight stay?

Of course I have. It’s between me and God. Actually, place has nothing to do because what I did, can do it alone at home naman din talaga. Parang you’ll find yourself wanting to detach from the world’s complexity. Far from your territory. Finally, I found myself wrapped and embraced in God’s arms. To be honest, I still have “what if’s”, I still have fears and hesitations but Deuteronomy 3:22. 

You shall not fear them, for it is the LORD your God who fights for you.’ – Deuteronomy 3:22

Change will always be a process, not instant. I trust God that by His grace, I can overcome these. So, umalis ako with a thankful heart. 

So eto na nga. Going from South, umpisahan natin sa Pacita. Kailangan may umpisa, each story has its beginning, saklap nga lang kung ending agad 😅

Pacita ➡️ Bus Terminal ➡️ ride Cubao, they must drop you off to Farmers Plaza (pero ‘wag ka papayag ng idrop ka ng basta basta. Sabihan mo silang, “sabihin” nila😅) it will cost you 75 php ➡️ malapit sa Gateway/Lrt/Jollibee, may dumadaan na Cogeo jeepneys, let them drop you to Cogeo Market (medyo malayo ‘toh. Pero may mararating ka dito. Sure ako! Sakanya ba? May pinatunguhan ba? 😂) 21 php ata. ➡️ Pagbaba mo, ‘wag ka tatawid sa intersection, BABALA: Nakamamatay so sa tamang tawiran tayo mga Besh. May footbridge, dun ka tumawid. As you step your last step from the bridge, you’ll see men shouting “PAENAAN”, ayan sila kuya pinagsisigawan yung gusto nila, eh si Kuya mo ba? 😂😅 going back. 24 php yung pagpunta dun. Pwesto ka sa magandang pwesto sa jeep,Para makapagmuni muni ka. Pagisipan mo mga ginagawa mo. 😅 ➡️ tell the driver to drop you gently and nicely to Touch Of Glory Prayer Mountain, you don’t need to ride tricycle! Teh, kinaya mo na nga yung masaklap ninyong relasyon ng ilang taon eh. yung less than 5minutes walk pa ba?! 

Note: avoid wearing shorts. Bring pants/leggings. Shorts are prohibited.

P. S. Leaving is easy from TOGM to Cogeo Market. But you have to endure the heat and waiting game for Cubao jeepneys. I’m not sure if dahil weekday ako nagpunta? Kasi anghirap ng sakayan. Sapalaran. Parang pagibi. Haha. But kidding aside, traffic was no joke at all! Yun lang. pero rest assured, makakauwi ka ng maayos. Hehe. 
Here are the updated room rates inclusive the food:

Must try:

Prayer Garden (First time ko dito. And I found my spot)

It looks dry because summer nga naman kasi hehe

You can also trek a little.

Hanapin mo ‘toh. Makikita mo kapag hinanap mo!

And as I end this, I hope it helped you somehow and encouraged you to be involve with God in every area of your life. It is my prayer that whatever you are going through right now, you’ll find security, peace and joy in Christ alone, whereever you are. Don’t give up. Kung kinaya ko at dinideal ko parin, kayang kaya mo din yan! Cheer up! ❤

In all the noise in the world, wherever you may be, in God’s loving arms, we’ll find rest. 

Sa pagantay, tayong dalawa

Sabi nila “kapag may tyaga may nilaga”, sabi nila, iba iba ang oras ng isa’t isa, ngunit tila, paputi na ang uwak, palubog na ang buwan,
Naririto, nalilito, pilit na puso, tila naiinip, Natagpuan ang sarili, bahagyang ngumiti,
sa aking sagot na tila walang pawang katotohanan.
Siya, Siya ang aking inspirasyon. Siya na hindi ko maisambit kung nariyan na ba o maaring parating palang,

Siya na alam kong nagiipon ng lakas, Siya na hangga’t sa makakaya, lubusan akong kinikilala, Siya na nagtitiyagang magipon para sa kinabukasan,

Siya na maaring pagod sa takbo ng buhay , patuloy din ang laban, Siya na kung nasaan man ngayon nais ko iparating, ako’y maghihintay kahit ang puso ay nalulumbay,

Sa panahon ngayon, Ikaw ang tanging kasiguraduhan, Sa magulong kasalukuyan, Ako’y patuloy na lalaban kasama ng pananampalataya,
Sa paglikom ng lakas, kay Bathala walang kupas, Tiwala sa Maykapal, ang silbing sandata sa unos ng buhay,

Aking tanging dasal, ika’y ‘wag magsasawa,sa pagbahagi ng iyong kakayanan para sa kalhuwalhatian ng Maykapal,

Sabik ako ibahagi ang kabutihan ng Diyos, sa Kanyang pag gabay mula noon hanggang ngayon,

Buhay na palarong palaisipan, Hugot ng lakas, higop ng pagasa, sa Maykapal ay sapat,

Kasama ka sa araw’t gabi kong panalangin, nawa’y ang pagsuko ay hindi solusyon sa magulong damdamin,

Sa aking pagdarasal, balang araw, sabay natin pasasalamatan ang Maykapal sa mga nalagpasang pinagdaanan… Ako’y patuloy maghihinntay sa oras na inilaan, hindi mapapagod, hindi hahayaang mabigo, sabay natin tatahakin ang agos ng buhay… tayong dalawa, kasama ang Diyos, balang araw…

 

 

#vscocam #nofilter #iphone #followforfollow #sunset #sunday #love #inspiration #life #photography #photoshoot #photograph #poet #poetry #spokenword #filipino

The Unwanted pregnancy

New Year’s eve has ended in a split second. Here we are entering to a new day in the remaining 365 days. Year 2017 has been a productive and silent year. There were things to finalize resignation letters, say goodbye to a friend, cut some ties with some unworthy relationships, given birth, mourn with a friend who loss a loved one and gain pounds in a year round.

Last week I encountered an unexpected scenario from an innocent face of a 16 years old. Please take note that what I am about to share is only for sharing purposes but the identities will remain confidential and private. I was in my night shift aura when a 16 years old came in per ambulatory accompanied by a relative with a complain of abdominal and flank pain. The first aid was given and doctor did history taking. Last menstrual period was always included in the history, the doctor asked the student if she had sexual contact and if she can remember her LMP. Gladly, she honestly and consciously answered the question in front of her relative but the LMP was still mysteriously unknown due to her irregular menstrual period. When she felt the urge to urinate she had to go to the bathroom for urinalysis until I noticed she’s been inside the comfort room for more than 10 minutes. Unknowingly, this young lady had been pregnant for more or less 5 months. She genuinely asnwered the doctor “I do not know”.

I assisted this lady more than treating her a patient. While doing the evacuation of the abortus and placenta by our resident physician, she hardly gripped my hand and pushed out the breathless creature that was created inside her womb. Unknowingly, she goes to school and a life has just been created. She laughs and drinks with her friends unaware that she has become a mom. It must have been hard for her. I honestly empathize this young lady and spoke words that may uplift her spirit.

“Everything happens for a purpose”. We may never know the reason but ultimately, there is a purpose. A purpose on which maybe we can never accept or a surprise that might giggle our feet to dance as we expectantly wait for it. There must be a reason why my 2017 has been a productive and silent year. It took me months only to realize that God is teaching me to PRIORITIZE the important areas in life. Just like the 16 year old lady who without her knowledge pregnant is the same with the event turn around in my life. I never wanted to cut ties with old friends, I am not into becoming “career woman” because I AM NOT. I also do not want to limit my time whenever I am out with my friends just because I needed to sleep early so I could regain my strength for work. I am not that woman who would regularly decrease my time with people close to my heart. However, things change for a purpose. God allows this to happen so that we could appreciate the real ones and even the small things in life. The young lady did not know that she was pregnant and continous with her routine everyday. A delicate living thing inside her and now its gone. People come and go, and from that moment, I know there are friends who are worth to share all my resentments, bitterness and madness in the world and its up to them if they will depart from me.

The unwanted pregnancy is also the same with “I would like to resign but I still need this” and also, “I am hurting but I still love him”. Nonsense right? But when we are lost, we will find the value behind all these unreasonable circumstances. And from that, I hope we find ourselves to the One who bestow us a life.

 

That has gotta hurt

Pain is inevitable. However, it is a choice. In a world full of changing standards, it is crazy to think that these could satisfy the heart’s longing which apparently impossible. I am about to share the deep aches and concerns in my world and the answer to all the unbelievable skyrocketting emotions at this very moment.

Pain is a choice as same as with love. If love is present, pain is also real. You see, I did not expect to be this “people-person” as many have said. It was only developed and discovered when I finally decided to get out my comfort zone. Routine has driven weary and I noticed, it is not for me. Anyway, I earned friends. Plenty of friends but “few” real ones. I expected those “friends” to be there but to no avail, they disappeared and seemingly innocently ignored me. The “few” real ones where I encountered real talks, endured all the “uninvited” hangouts, persevered all my “complains” in life and interceded for me on my lowest points. They were the few people I did not expect to give and make time for me. Consequently, assurred me that no matter what season may bring us, whether no talks, no update posts, as long as communication is open, we will still be friends. They affirmed me more than friends, we were sisters! To those “friends” who gives us silent treatments, passes by when sees each other, texts only when needed, and remembers you only when sad, here’s my say, “thank you! Because of those treatment, it allowed me to see the real friends in my life.” I was able to identify the people who can protect my inmost being, sisters who are willing to dig deep in prayers for all my heartaches, and lastly, I was able to hold back my emotions because they help me refocus and refix my eyes to the true Beholder. Painful as it may seem, once in a while, I was reminded that in friendship there will always be “season” or sometimes a decision to let go. And to all my unhealthy relationships, if unfix, let go. 

To futher extend my other concerns, I would like to emphasize that I have no intention of hurting anyone or make parinig (but if you are guilty, then that’s the verdict. Haha.) Moving on, for more than 5 years in my profession, I’m still stuck here in Philippines. I have no savings, no car, no house and lot, no funeral insurance, and no love life. No matter how hard life’s showcase can be, the things mentioned are not the things that can fill a cup. I wanted to go abroad, so bad! I had to resign from a company where my needs were well compensated and work to a small hospital and earn minimum wage in order to gain hospital experience. Struggling it must have to me but that should be not a reason of giving up. If it takes to go through the eye of a needle in order to fulfill the dreams and be prosperous, I will persevere. If it leaves me no choice and remain single for the rest of my life, THAT IS OKAY. Again, I’ll go back to my word, these temporary things will not define my success nor wealth nor identity. Mahirap abutin ang pangarap, lalo na kung hindi talaga para sayo, pero walang masama sa ginagawa ang karapatan. It took me years to finally take the path and consider going abroad. But the challenge does not stop there, there are lot of steps to take such as money to shell out, exhausting effort to fix documents, pass exams and many more. As frustrating as it can be the desire should not deprive. I’ve got to fight but not alone. One day, I’ll fly with different colors and give all the credits to the One who holds my universe – my Abba Father.

As religous as it sound but that’s the truth. I can always complain and whine all the adversities in my life but I can never outgive Gods love. I may have loss important people or dreams unfulfilled but one thing I am sure that I can boast all the days of my life – Jesus. I may have been rejected by people but His wholeness accepted a wretch like me and that is enough, satisfying and fulfilling. At the end of the day, even we remain faithless, He remains faithful. I will keep trusting God and His plans. 

I didn’t get to blow my birthday cake

Turning 27 this year is just surreal. I can’t believe I’m already that old. It seems my age stops at 25. Anyway, my birthdays has never been extraordinary. It was just the same ordinary usual day for me. Life can be pretty complicated but I’ll end this blog with a redeemable events of story.

A part of me just felt excitement when I was waiting for 12 midnight. “I am turning 27!!!!” I said excitedly. I don’t know why. So, of course before I got to sleep, I whispered a little short prayer to God, “Thank You, Lord.”

My family greeted me with a simple “Happy birthday” and I responded with a “Thank you”. It is enough for me. But this time, I didn’t get to blow my candle because we didn’t celebrate it. I had a very busy duty at the hospital, overtime for two hours. It rained so heavily. Glad that my brother was near that place I get to go home at least. A simple dinner with siblings at Uncle Moe’s and a dessert at Lawson. Glad to spend it with them. To be honest, I am financially broke. As much as I wanted to celebrate my birthday with few true people in my life, MONEY HAS BEEN AN ISSUE. But I still have few here in my wallet so I had to treat my siblings at least.

Well, the highlight of the night, I received a call from my Dad. Where we did not have any communications ever since some unexpected events arose since this year started. But I really thank God from letting me hear his voice and letting me know that my father still cares for us.

I may not have blow a candle on my birthday but the glimpse of disguised blessings where my family can be save from unruly heartbreaks is enough for me to know that I still have such treasures.

I thank the Lord for the people He brought into my life. People who chose to stay despite of all the things that happened. True friends who rather accept my flaws than see the aching pretentious smile. Thank You, Lord for anoher year. I am expectant and excited to what lies ahead of me.

If only you’re here now

I could think a lot of reason why your presence isn’t beside me. I can understand the “why’s” and “because’s” of fate in the midst of our most awaited “forever”. Maybe, just maybe, I can’t be ready this time. Or maybe, you cannot grasp the huge responsibility in a commitment. 

Commitment. I could sigh all the time and express through my breath the desperation to be in a relationship. Though I am caught in between the wanting and the thought to be in that position. 

Let us take this moment and set apart the thought of us not being together. And let me just take this instant to write a momentary letter to the future spouse.

If only you’re here, I would express how grateful I am to have you here by my side. If only you’re here, I would express my love to you and tell you each day how much I’ve missed you during your working hours. If only you’re here, I would like to embrace you as strong as I can be. If only you’re here, I would tell you each day, how proud I am to be yours. If only you’re here, I will do my best waking up in the morning, prepare your coffee and breakfast. If only you’re here, I would love to pray with you wherever we are.  If only you are here. Yet, time can only tell how our story unfolds. And I trust the One who holds the clock. I trust the One who holds the pen of our book because nothing goes wrong when everything is surrendered in His care.

I can be selfish at this period of time but believe that I am patiently waiting and praying for you. These words may have been redundant to a single woman like me but these are true. Eventually, it is about trusting the One who is in control of our lives. So long, my Love. 

This ends my letter to someone I haven’t met but Loved for so long. I hope when the time is right I’ll be able to show this. 

Hanggang sa muli

May “tayo” kahapon, Sa aking pagmulat, “ako” na lang ngayon,  Sa mga araw na nakalipas, Umasang ika’y magbabalik,

Puso hinayaan isara, Nasaktan at binalewala, Akala’y katapusan, Ngunit pagasa ay nariyan,

Maraming katanungan, subalit napagtanto sagot ay hindi daan sa kapayapaan,
Muling binuksan ang pusong namamayapa,Para sa ngalan ng pagibig, Minahal ang sarili,

Hindi inakala na darating ang araw,Sapagkat bawat gabi sigaw ng puso, luha lamang ang katahimikan,
Pusong napagod, muling bumangon, Mula sa pinanggalingan, hindi nalimutan,
Sa pagtanggap, nakapagpatawad. Sa pagpapatawad, alalay ang kapayapaan.

Salamat sa muling pagayon sa aking puso, salamat sa aking pagpulot mula sa kapahamakan, salamat sa pagakay sa mabigat na pinagdaanan…

Hindi Mo ko iniwan, puso Mong tapat ang nagbigay liwanag, sa aking madilim na nakaraan,

masalimuot na nakaraan ay tinapos man, sa aking pagbangon, bagong kwento ang inaasam.

Kung kahapon ay ibabalik, buong pagkatao mo’y aking buong pusong tatanggapin,
kung hindi man pinalad, masaya kong tatahakin ang tadhanang inilaan, Hanggang sa muli

#sunset #poet #art #mountain #hike #sillouette #masasabeach #gulugodbaboy #poem #love #vscocam #photo #picture #tagalog #literary #feature #beach #philippines

Living in K-drama world

I’ve watched all kinds of korean dramas may it be suspense, historical, action or rom-com. Whenever I start watching it  I always get hooked to it. I’ve always loved their killer smiles and love team chemistries. I was able to finish three “major-major” top korean dramas recently. For your information, I have always been a Lee Min Ho fan and I have watched most of his dramas (though not yet the City Hunter- I don’t know why). Anyway, since I’ve finished the top 3 dramas for the first quarter of the year. Somehow I dreamed to be one of their leading lady. 

So here it goes,

Every lady wishes to have a guy friend whom you can smirk with, punched on, get mad, and a shoulder to lean on.   Kim Bok Joo’s friend – Joon Hyung – is a friend you can trust and do without worrying your poise and all that. She was a jealous gf when Joon Hyung who is very close to him. Funny it was when they tried to be discreet yet they can’t. Until their friends finally found out. This is a very light teenage story. 

I ‘hoped’ I can be like Kim Bok Joo who lifts a heavy barbel and still maintains a weight limit. Haha

We also go tough situations and even that happens, we also fight for things we know that is rightfully ours even it takes us miles away from home. Our Sim Cheong swam around far places to look for Joon Hae after she erasing the memories they had in Europe. It really broke my heart for what Cheong had to do in order to protect Joon Hae but love wins. Even she had to erase AGAIN his memories due to long stay on earth, Joon Hae were able to write all his spent time with Cheong in a journal. He had to suffer while waiting, looking for answers of all his missing memories but all the while he had them on his journal. Her gift of removing memories took advantage to their enemies but she didn’t succeed on Joon Hae’s. What a relief! 

I ‘hoped’ for Cheong’s gift of removing memories so I could forget some past hurts too. Thank God I don’t have because through my past aches I learned to become a strong woman. But I also wished that I could earn money through tears so it could turn into pearl and sell it. HAHA

The latest drama I’ve watched is Goblin and I finished crying!!!! This story has a lot of twist, there’s friendship, family, a love to conquer, and past-present turns. I’m not sure if all the “reincarnation” is true but it really affected me when Goblin had to suffer all the “waiting” for his Goblin’s bride ONLY to remove the sword of eternity. What a heartbreaking news it was for Eun Tak when she already developed feelings for this handsome Goblin. Nevertheless, as fate is to be unfold, what is already written by God cannot be change. Even after withdrawing the sword from Kim Dhin’s chest. it took Eun Tak years to recover from her unknown cause of her pain. When her memories were erased she looked for answers trying to figure out who was the “him” on her journal. Until, fate moved and Kim Shin appeared again by Eun Tak’s blowed candle. I shed tears when Eun Tak was having distress from her sleep and she called on to Kim Shin. “I am scared that you might leave me again” – Eun Tak. I felt her right there and then. The fear of losing someone you love but missing soul has its own destiny. But Kim Shin didn’t stop pursuing her. When Eun Tak’s time came, it really broke my heart! Most espescially to Kim Shin. He had to wait again for the reincarnation of Eun Tak and grateful that the ending didn’t disappoint me. 

I ‘hope’ I can be like Eun Tak who was so sure of his destined man that she doesn’t have to wait for some other men . I hope that I could only blow a match and my superman would appear right in front of me. I hope. But there’s this real world I’m facing right now which makes me feel more challenged. Waiting is not an easy task but I know everything will be worth the wait just like Kim Shin, Cheong, Joon Hae, Joon Hyung, and Bok Joo did. Because what is yours is already yours.

Love has its own reasons. Love is a decision. Love conquers everthing.

Kamsahamnida, Oppa’s and Unni’s for a yeopo stories. Looking forward to many kdramas. 

I in the mirror

Hesitantly, I look at myself in the mirror. I look at that person and deep inside she’s broken and still in a healing process. I look at her with shamefully disgusted personality. I see this lady full of mysteries and secrets. However, she believes that no secrets cannot be revealed. She has support system, few but real, who will remind her identity and encourage her that we live because there is a purpose.

Indeed there is a purpose. Whenever I look back to the past, I always find myself to the lost woods or stare the endless ceiling. I somehow realize that PAST has contributed a lot of who I am today and there comes a time when I just cannot let go of it. But, yes a big BUT… We have to move on… I love new things and I am excited to explore and discover to conquer and learn about something in this new season.

Going back, how I see myself today? I am really disgusted. A lot of times when we fight for what is right or stand firm with convictions which ends up to failure. I just discovered my weakness recently hence the readon why I still fall on the same trap all over again. And it just makes me sad that whenever I am “almost” in that situation, there’s this urge of “test/challenge” but naaaaah… I say, know your weakness and never attempt to check if you have overcome it. Run away immediately from temptation. Do you get what I mean? 

We are human with limited strength and capacity. Since we are human let us not abuse that limited strength to conquer our fears or “test”. No matter what that can be, never ever stay in a place where we can be vulnerable to make mistakes.

Honestly, I do not know how to redeem myself back but God’s grace is sufficient for my weaknesses. Sometimes my thoughts tell me: “you do not deserve His grace” “you are unworthy” “you kept on saying sorry but you keep doing same old sins” and sometimes “you are not beautiful!” There’s a truth to those thoughts and that make God more visible in my life. 

I look at myself and I see a woman who doesn’t deserve all the love and precious breath in this world but someOne gave it anyway. I cannot see the fast healing but I am willing for a change and enter new season in life.