If only you’re here now

I could think a lot of reason why your presence isn’t beside me. I can understand the “why’s” and “because’s” of fate in the midst of our most awaited “forever”. Maybe, just maybe, I can’t be ready this time. Or maybe, you cannot grasp the huge responsibility in a commitment. 

Commitment. I could sigh all the time and express through my breath the desperation to be in a relationship. Though I am caught in between the wanting and the thought to be in that position. 

Let us take this moment and set apart the thought of us not being together. And let me just take this instant to write a momentary letter to the future spouse.

If only you’re here, I would express how grateful I am to have you here by my side. If only you’re here, I would express my love to you and tell you each day how much I’ve missed you during your working hours. If only you’re here, I would like to embrace you as strong as I can be. If only you’re here, I would tell you each day, how proud I am to be yours. If only you’re here, I will do my best waking up in the morning, prepare your coffee and breakfast. If only you’re here, I would love to pray with you wherever we are.  If only you are here. Yet, time can only tell how our story unfolds. And I trust the One who holds the clock. I trust the One who holds the pen of our book because nothing goes wrong when everything is surrendered in His care.

I can be selfish at this period of time but believe that I am patiently waiting and praying for you. These words may have been redundant to a single woman like me but these are true. Eventually, it is about trusting the One who is in control of our lives. So long, my Love. 

This ends my letter to someone I haven’t met but Loved for so long. I hope when the time is right I’ll be able to show this. 

Even when it hurts

We get to a road of life where there are stumbling blocks and hindrances. Sometimes we overanalyze the situation presented to us. Sometimes we robotically accept and deny certain things which makes us feel either good or bad.

I’ve gone through tough times. Who doesn’t? Life can be unfair and overwhelmingly good. But at the top of it, we do not control certatin circumstances. We are after the outcome of our decisions and choices but maybe – sometimes the sun and moon doesn’t agree with our final says.

I am currently hurting and trying to look at things in a positive way. Just like fresh from breakup is what I’m feeling today. It has been a year since I broke up with my former boyfriend but I guess there are some issues still need to deal with.

Two weeks ago, as I grew tired of patiently waiting to reconcile the so called friendship, I decided to STOP and LET GOD. Yesterday was worst. I saw this coming even when it hurts I have to live my life as normal as I can. It has never been easy. I learned that between the two lovers, whoever had come up with the decision of “break up” it will always be a different pace on the other party involve.

I was already in the stage of moving on till yesterday happened. I guess people will always find it difficult to see since I have imprinted of who I am to them. But no matter what, I have finally making the decision of letting go, for his happiness sake and to let him know that I respect him. I hope one day, he’ll see that too.

Even when it hurts, I will still continue this life because I know there is a purpose. Even when it hurts I tried my best to pray and claim God’s promises and my identity to Him. Even when it hurts I will continue to seek God’s will over my life and not on the peoples opinions.

Despite of what is happening today, I know that God will redeem us in better situation. I know that He is still in control.

I declare peace, love, joy and forgiveness be upon the people involve in my situation. In Jesus’ name, Amen

My day with my future hubby

These inspired me from my different favorite movies.

Every time he wake up I will put a post-it on his slippers written “Good morning, Love!”

I will put another one in the mirror written “You are handsome even in your morning breath!”

And as he sits in our dinning room, another post-it written on a mug of coffee “I love you!”

Fix his neck tie and kiss him so he will be reminded of my unconditional love.

(It Take a Man and a Woman)

I will cook for him in a unique ways that will help him remind of me.

I will prepare a lunch box for him when he goes to work.

I will bake cupcakes with his favorite flavors and design it with his own flavors.

I will support him with every decision he has to make as long as it will benefit him.

I will tell him what I feel with complete honesty and courage.

(Starting Over Again)

Dance with him even with old people in a restaurant,

Spent time with him under our roof just gazing the stars,

Sing our favorite song,

Have a date with him, prepare something special for him…

(A Walk to Remember)

Go climb the mountain with him,

run along the high way streets,

get carried by him along the hills,

Sit beside him at the front seat in our very own Chevrolet car,

(Twilight)

Have a long conversation with sense of humour with him,

Feed ducks while riding a boat,

Wear my best dress in our special day,

Paint while waiting for him to wake up,

(The Notebook)

A day with my future spouse will never be boring if these inspiration will be applied. 🙂

I know….

I know Love, you have been waiting for me as well.
Do not fret even we’re surrounded with couples.
So stay strong and patient so you won’t be in a hurry.
I know deep inside your heart you are as excited to meet me.
Do not be in a hurry that you might fall to sin.
Stay grounded and firm with your foundation.
I know that you are praying for me earnestly.
I believe that your sweet prayers are one of the reasons why I’m still blogging this.
I am sure that all your desires are heard from above.

In faith and trust, our most-awaited story will surely something worth to share.
Just wait my Dear, God has something for both of us, let’s just trust His perfect time.

WAIT, my Love WAIT…….. He’ll soon show us the guide

pray continuously

Let’s just continue to trust and be in faith everyday 🙂

Let’s continue to put our trust, faith and security to the Creator and Author of our lives.

SOON

Thoughts 103

Here’s the continuations of my random thoughts. As I promised from my previous blog, I shared it there regarding the song “I won’t say I’m in love” from the Hercules Disney movie. Now, I just want to elaborate further why its lyrics caught my attention. Here’s the full lyrics.

I won’t say I’m in love

If there’s a prize for rotten judgment
I guess, I’ve already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That’s ancient history, been there, done that

Who do you think you’re kiddin’?
He’s the earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden

Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, you can’t conceal it
We know how you feel and
Who you’re thinking of?

No chance, no way
I won’t say it, no, no
You swoon, you sigh
Why deny it? Uh, oh

It’s too cliche
I won’t say I’m in love

I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming, get a grip, girl
Unless you’re dying to cry your heart out, oh

You keep on denying
Who you are and how you’re feeling?
Baby, we’re not buying
Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling

Face it like a grown up
When you gonna own up
That you got, got, got it bad

No chance, no way
I won’t say it, no, no
Give up, give in
Check the grin you’re in love

This scene won’t play
I won’t say I’m in love
You’re doin’ flips read our lips
You’re in love

You’re way off base
I won’t say it
Get off my case
I won’t say it

Girl, don’t be proud
It’s okay, you’re in love
Ooh At least out loud
I won’t say I’m in love

Songwriters
BERT KALMAR, HARRY RUBY

The animated woman who portrayed the leading lady of Hercules has no guts of telling her true feelings for him. (Base on the lyrics) This simply shows that she has higher percentage of self control level which leads me to admiring her. I hope that ladies are also like her, (Though I know its just an animated movie) and it doesn’t even show the modern courtship there. Nowadays, women are very aggressive and they usually do the first move. Unfortunately, courting the men leads to heartbreak and shame issues. As a woman, I also felt like the urge of “wanting something so bad” but I learned that when we wait patiently its more rewarding than having something you want so bad instantly.

From that music video there are group of ladies teasing and whispering her that she’s in love. But the lady kept on pushing and teaching herself from not telling her true feelings for Hercules.

“No chance, no way
I won’t say it, no, no”

As I speak and remind this for myself as well, this is also my prayer to every ladies that you shouldn’t be on that fast forward or fast track. WAIT AND ENJOY the season you are in right now. Never ever tell your feelings to a man, or don’t make the first move and give him the hints that you like him. Let him do his job Sweetheart! Let him man up! So, if you feel you can’t control it anymore, look back and reread the two letters NO. So stay princess like.

DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF CHEAP BY YOUR UNCONTROLLED EMOTION FOR A GUY

“Bakit ayaw mo sakanya?”

I often hear these questions from my friends most of them from work. I have to admit that instead of to be in a commitment I’d rather still choose being single. Why? Well, some personal reasons. I think some of my closest friends can understand and knows the reasons behind. (Not sharing this to be proud) most of the men I encounter from my experience and friends are torpe and should I say incapable of meeting our needs. I’m not sure if this applies to all relationships but I’m sure women has their own presumptions on each circumstances.

I realize that when the woman doesn’t like the man, the courtship has no beginning. That’s why men should have courage to ASK first if the woman will allow him to court her. Men should not just effort without clearing up the intentions, women will go equivocally on the unstated-status. So men, please don’t just make us guess if your actions are already part of your “ligaw” , STATE it!

If the man stated his intentions then women should start PRAYING. Ask God’s guidance and direction, and of course to continuously guard both of your hearts. Anyway, in my own personal opinion, I discovered that even you don’t like the guy, if the effort speaks it all, AYAW mo parin, unless nakuha ni guy yung “kiliti” mo ( Sorry for the term) then maybe the lady will RE-considers it. Am I right ladies? I’m not sure if it applies to everyone but that’s what I’ve noticed eh. That’s why the prayer is vital. It should be a breath that you can’t live without. Mahirap na yung gagawa ka ng decision that you will regret in the end.

Here’s the common conversation I had with my friend

Her: Bakit ayaw mo sakanya?
Me: Eh! Basta! (straight forward answer)
Her: Bakit? Gwapo naman siya, may trabaho naman,
Me: hmmmmm, hindi mo ko maiintindihan, hehehe, Basta its a NO….
Her: You like someone else?
Me: No, its just that we cannot connect with each other, we’re just two different people and I can’t jive into his world. Though I get his love language, pero hindi talaga eh. Strong personality ko, eh siya? Medyo emotional te! (lol)
Her: Grabe, give him time…. Malay mo db?
Me: (talagang ipinipilit ni friend) Ahh, yeah, let’s see, but its a no, when I say no, let’s stay friends… 🙂 Ok na yun para hindi kumplikado. . .

And I ended our conversation with a smile. I just can’t try to fit in to someone else’s world when that person doesn’t want to get involve in my world. Its somehow complicated but the give and take is there, understanding and getting to know is present.

My cousins and aunts they usually get surprise and looks troubled when I answer them I’m still single. But it doesn’t bother me because I’m young, I will definitely meet my prince charming at God’s perfect time. Maskinikilig ako sa mga gagawin Niya for us in the future and that our love story is worth to tell. Kaya pag tinatanong ako kung bakit wala pa akong boyfriend, naiirita ako, not to the sense of I DON’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND but to them na “why? what’s wrong? I’m still young!”. But most of the time SMILE is my reply to their redundant question and “Darating din tayo jan…”

Happy and joyfully waiting….. 🙂

The Wedding

March 1, 2014 I was invited to my Mentors wedding. By the way, its my first time to attend a Christian garden wedding. First time to go in San Pablo, Laguna as well and first time to feel the joy when someone close to your heart walks down the aisle wearing her dream WHITE gown. Everything from that day was a first time. Like I said the wedding was a success, the program, food, and most especially the weather because it was cooperative, hot though, at least it didn’t rain. Anyway here are some of my captured moments before and during the wedding…. Hope you like it!

Casa San Pablo!

there’s this very creative hanged bottles along the bridge…

the beautiful place!

with the Groom and Bride’s intials!

feeling all the moments for this place!

this beautifully made entrance door of the bride! 🙂 So Vintage!

the set up place for the Bride and Groom wedding ceremony!

hanged pictures of them with LOVE ….

the Bride’s aisle! those petals were just beautiful!

and now, my leader, my mentor, there she is! stunning! Beautiful! with emotions….

indeed! Favored! no hints of raindrops….

the dinning set up!

the table set up!

the cupcakes made by the Groom!

the cake and the wine!

these flowers so lovely!

the story! Glad they included this piece of my creativity… so touch!

I’m a cupcake lover, I super love this shot!

there are wriiten. quotes on each tables

plus! the wedding was fun because of great people!

with my vintage outfit!

and lastly, with my bestfriends wackiness! proud of this lady, expecting great and wonderful years with her as friends ….

So there you go, my first time experience from a wedding 🙂 I hope one day I’ll be sharing mine as well… SOON …. 🙂 and all glory belongs to God! Great experience indeed, even I had separation anxiety from that place, because it was sooooooo beautiful! 🙂 My prayer for the couple is that may Jesus always be the center of their marriage 🙂

Thoughts 101

Every day I meet different faces, I bump into strangers and I get to talk to people with peculiar concerns in life. Yet there’s one person I haven’t met and talked as far I as know. Who can that be? My future spouse. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

This is again a sudden urge of wanting to write for someone I haven’t met yet. Someone who is invisible and an imagination (but not a fantasy) of who could that be. As far as I know, this untouchable person is someone I am expecting to meet someday, may it be friends or beyond friendship. How sure am I? Its because of FAITH AND SECURITY that God has filled in to me. I may not know that person right now or he may not lay down his intentions to me this year, one thing I’m confident of, is that God will surely bring the best godly man who is after His own heart at His perfect time.

If you would ask me how am I doing today? I’m doing great! I’m expanding my territory as a single, savoring the singlehood and loving each spare time I have for myself. Of course, who wouldn’t think of the future? As a lady, (well, exceptional to some) we all have “planner” attitude espescially when it comes to TIME. We have planned the things to do for the day, but eventually, not ALL of it will come to success. Now, most of the women have plans of getting married at ages like for example “25-29”. But at this moment, at the age of 23 and I’m turning 24, I can say I’m not in a hurry but I have the desires of getting married someday. I refuse to set AGE on that one because I might just get disappointed. But everything is surrendered and lifted to God. Everything is taken care through prayers and faith.

The reason why I’m taking time to write these down is because not only I want too but also I believe that God wants me to take care of my future in prayer. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
“16 Always rejoice,
17 constantly pray,
18 in everything give thanks. For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

I’m trying my best to constantly breathe a prayer for the people I love. Even during working hours. I do pray for them. Not just this one, I don’t want to get that wrong interpretation or misconception from God that I just pray and talk to Him because of that person I want to meet but never have. I don’t want to get that wrong motive from seeking God through this. But What I learned, it is between you and God. Your motive, your heart, your delight matters. Whatever seed you’ve sow, the fruit will speak itself.

I just want to take time to praise God and thank Him for His nonstop reminders even from a very very long time of not having a QUIET TIME with Him. I am missing Him more than anyone else. I am longing and hunger for more of Him. I am so much more in need of The One who makes my day full of surprises, laughter and unexpected circumstances which leads to show His magnificence. His awesome and unconditional love teaches me to pray for my future husband, to love him through prayer, to protect him through prayers and to constantly lift my future husband to the Writer of my love story.

I am assured that this year is something worth the wait indeed, may be not in my love life area, or may be it is. I don’t know but I am really expectant, may it be just friends for a while or beyond friendship. This is my prayer that God may guard both of us from temptations and plans of the enemy. The wholeness comes from our identity in Christ Jesus and I believe through our relationship with Jesus, I’ll be meeting my future dearest husband COMPLETE AND WHOLE in Christ Jesus.

Joyfully waiting, take your time 🙂

HOPE

Is there something you’ve been wanting for so long that until now you don’t have it? Perhaps career, food, spouse or children? We will not appreciate the WAITING if we are trying to get what we want instantly. Its a long process, like in pursuing you’re chosen career, you start from the basic, “create an impressive and comprehensive RESUME” and “APPLY” or maybe food, you buy the ingredients; spouse and children, it is a long process, MATAIMTIM na PRAYER yan, its a decision and it takes a huge step of being “READY” on that area. But what God wants for us? TRUST. We need to learn to PATIENTLY and CONFIDENTLY wait and hope for something we do not yet have. TRUST! It takes a lot of TRUST, while trusting God we WAIT for it… I believe God has something greater for all of us as long as we fix our eyes on Him Believe and be in faith ALWAYS…

TRUST

Romans 15:13 The complete trust in God will produce complete JOY in our life. Whatever emptiness you feel God is the Only One who can fill you. Good noon! TRUST God that He can reach and give whatever pleases Him.